Another day, another drama–and another flaw-free weekend of X Factor auditions as judged by The Holy Spearit!
This past weekend, Godney arrived/descended down to Earth on a chariot made of platinum records for the San Francisco X Factor auditions, serving 2008 VMAs curly tresses realness, a glittering nude mini-dress shirt thing that made the boobies look amazing, and glasses. But she didn’t just bring her reading glasses–she brought her reading glasses:
“I like the color of your shirt, but I’m gonna have to say no.”
“I liked your bow at the end… and that’s it.”
“I don’t wanna judge you or anything, but I’m a judge, so…I’m sorry sweetie, it’s a no.”
BOOM. At one point, Godney became Doctorney, telling one contestant: “I feel like there’s this wall between us, and you need to learn how to break it down.” She also apparently became Guidance Counselorney, telling one contestant that he looked like he should play tennis. He was last seen shopping for rackets at Dick’s Sporting Goods.
Britney wasn’t all strict, however. “You have a lot of fire and a lot of spunk,” she said during one critique. During another, she gave a Standing O and said “I thought it was magnificento!” Magnificento. Is that a word? BECAUSE IT IS NOW. Or maybe it’s the title of her upcoming eighth studio album? Is she dropping hints?! To the message boards!
But mostly, Britney was just busy being a legend. According to a friend in the audience, Queen B even waved her hands and stopped a contestant from butchering the late Whitney Houston‘s “I Have Nothing” at one point with the sweetest, most iconic line of sass that has ever left her lips:
“You can’t ruin that song, sweetie.”
BYE, MY ENTIRE LIFE.
But nothing made waves quite as much as an audition on Sunday night, when Don Philip. the back-up singer who once did a duet with Queen B on the flaw-free “I Will Still Love You” off of …Baby One More Time over 10 years ago, came out–quite literally–onstage. Britney remembered him, and then he began shaking and crying, and then he came out as a gay (OH, GET IN LINE), and then he sang terribly and didn’t go through to the next round.
From People:
When a male contestant stepped onto the stage at the Oracle Arena, “You could see that Britney recognized him straight away,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She got this huge smile on her face and her eyes lit up. It was so sweet.”
“I know him,” said Britney, who was sitting on the panel with Simon Cowell, L.A. Reid and Demi Lovato. “We did a duet together 10 years ago.”
When the singer started to cry and told the judges and the audience, “I’m gay,” the audition became emotionally charged. “At the time I didn’t think I was worthy,” he told Britney. “I didn’t think you thought it was okay that I am gay.”
Britney was nothing but supportive. “I think it is fine you are gay,” she said.
“When he started crying and saying he thought he’d never see her again and that he’d had a lot to deal with, Britney was comforting him to calm him,” the source says.
You can hear the completely awkward, uncomfortable exchange here if you’d like, but it’s painful and weird. Obviously Don flew into full-on stan mode in the presence of the Spearit, but fans–you’ve got to understand: You cannot keep scaring the shit out of her. This is why we can’t have nice things. (Also, if you’re going to audition in front of her, maybe sing…better.)
In conclusion:
• Britney is a LGBT Warrior.
• “I think it is fine you are gay” is the new “Gay is Okay.”
• Britney is an early gay rights pioneer for doing a duet with a gay man on her debut album.
• Give her some reading glasses and she’ll shade you faster than Latrice Royale.
• Born This Way who?
Happy Pride!
