Go call the police. Go call the guh-va-nuh. (Go call the United States Congress too while you’re at it.)
It’s time to leave your big mansion, hop into your Bugattis, Lamborghinis and Maseratis, sip your mah-tinis, slip into a buh-kini and party in France. Why?
Because The Legendary Miss Britney Spears just premiered the Ben Mor-directed music video for “Work Bitch” on America’s most urban channel, The CW Network.
Oh wait, I’m sorry. You don’t have all of those things already? Well, then…
YOU BETTER WORK, BITCH.
SAND AND DELIVER
Following her Good Morning America announcement, Britney has decided to casually wander into the desert with some dancers to announce her upcoming residency, Britney Spears: Piece of Me — otherwise known as Live In Las Vegasney: The Bitch Is Back.
Why the desert? Because it’s Britney, bitch. That’s fucking why. You wanna?
NOW GET TO WORK, BITCH.
Britney’s having a fine time soaking in the sun with her dancers. If she could, she’d spend the whole day here steaming like a pot of vegetables while showing off her hot bodeh. But she can’t. Why? Because she needs to #WORKBXXCH.
#PerfumePromo
And so, the sensual seductress begins to do some #WorkBXXCH with some subtle fragrance promo — as do All Good Britney Music Videos. In the desert, you need to smell your very best. Care for some Desert Fantasy?
This is also an allusion to Britney’s Sia-penned ballad “Perfume,” which is one of the songs Britney really likes from her upcoming eighth studio album out in December, tentatively titled Blackout 2.0: It Gets Urbaner And Also More Spearitual And A Little More Personal (Raw).
OASIS FROM UNDER
Oh, yeah. There’s also a small oasis in the middle of the desert — and some new friends.
You see, Lady Gaga left her “Poker Face” dancers there to die because they weren’t ARTPOP enough.
Britney, however, is far too Benevolentney to let anyone suffer, and so she kindly blesses them by pointing them in the general direction toward salvation — otherwise known as Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas.
But there’s no more time for charity work. That’s right: She’s about to work. In 3…2…1…
#WORKBXXCH.
She’s dancing.
SHE’S DANCING.
GOOD GODNEY. SHE’S DANCING.
Britney “Hotney Jean Godney” Spears is not just giving you Spearitual armography this time around. She is giving you hip-thrusting, body-twerking, hair-flipping cardio movement. Energy. THE FIRE IN THE EYES.
ME (STILL) AGAINST THE MUSIC
We’re in a hotel now across from Planet Hollywood — or is it the newly refurbished location of the “Me Against The Music” video? It doesn’t matter. Why? Because she has to #WORKBXXCH.
And so, she begins to break it the fuck down…
…and down and up and down and up and down…
OOPS!…SHE SLAYED IT AGAIN.
Yes, that’s a BFB — a Britney Floor Bend (not to be confused with a Big Fat Bass) — just like the one she did in the video for “Me Against The Music.”
You see? That’s right, from exactly 10 years ago. Britney homage. (IT’S CALLED A BROMAGE.)
S-S-S & M-M-M
But enough of that for now.
B-Girl’s thirst for all things lace, leather and bondage wasn’t fully satisfied by her Circus Tour “Sweet Dreams” interlude, nor her “S&M” collaboration with Illuminati Princess Rihanna, so Godney asked Ben Mor to find some assorted lesser-basics to slap around and punish for not doing #WORKBXXCH.
Hey, everybody’s got their freaky tendencies… (REFERENCE)
This one didn’t choose her own destiny.
This one didn’t buy VIP meet and greet tickets to Britney Spears: Piece Of Me.
And this one? Well, this one forgot to buy “Work Bitch” on iTunes.
…BABY ONE MORE FLIP
Growing Pensiveney for a moment, Britney retreats into an enchanted cave with a “Criminal”-esque doorway inside. (Are we still in the desert? JUST STOP ASKING QUESTIONS.) There was some sort of #WORKBXXCH she was still forgetting to do.
There hasn’t been nearly enough time for hair flips, she realizes. Something must be done at once.
There we go.
Trip To Your Shark
Having decided to wander away from the madness in the desert, Britney inadvertently finds herself in a giant vat of water collected from the rain during her “…Baby One More Time” finale on the Dream Within A Dream Tour. She’s also done a quick change into a (drop dead) beautiful pink bondage tape flowing dress.
She is a stunning, iconic goddess. We collectively bow down and remain deeply, deeply unworthy.
But alas, trouble lurks: She’s surrounded by sharks! This is what true lovers of literature refer to as “a metaphor.” The sharks represent the evil media outlets preying on her every move, the endless critics, the lesser-basic pop princesses and and the thirsty Twitter gays eager to take a shady bite for a retweet.
She towers above them all, Confidentney. She is the One True Queen. (This scene alone will inspire several new fragrances, including Curious Shark, Jaws Radiance and Chum Fantasy.)
LIVING LEGEND, YOU CAN LOOK BUT DON’T TOUCH
Having established her position on the throne yet again, Godney borrows Kathy Perry‘s Prism to keep it moving higher and higher and make a final defining statement. She holds the reigns of all the lesser-basics. Why? Because she’s like the ringleader. She calls the shots.
At first glance, it might appear that Britney is simply holding the reigns to her talented fleet of dancers…
THIS IS A THING I HAVE FOUND FROM THE INTERNET IT IS A JOKE PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME MORE DEATH THREATS
Closer inspection, however, reveals that the dancers are none other than an assortment of lesser Britney stans — including Kathy Perry, Larry Gaga and Molly Cervix.
MY FACE NO LONGER LIKE A MANNEQUIN
They try to keep up…
…until they can’t take it, take it no more.
GAME OVER, BITCHES.
Pop princesses from across the globe have begun scurrying madly to try and find their wigs. Unemployment lines are thinning out rapidly. And Congress itself is now rushing back to Washington DC for an emergency government reboot upon taking Britney’s sage words to heart.
And there you have it: The “Work Bitch” music video.
Of course, “Work Bitch” is yet another incredible, iconic video to add to the Spearitual videography. She continues to serve in video form — but it’s actually even more than that this time.
Even though she doesn’t need to prove it to anyone (or ever dance again, really), Britney danced. It was the hardest she’s done in years. Sure, it wasn’t THE MOVES that we once got, but she’s visibly putting in effort again — she worked, bitch. There was floor choreography. I’m not here to hear complaints: Those who whine about the loss of “I’m A Slave 4 U”-era Britney are the same ones who likely bemoan the lack of music videos on MTV. We get it already. Grow up, get over it and realize that there is still a VERY MUCH AMAZING pop star in front of them, still working (bitch) and remaining the best pop star in the world.
The visuals are just gorgeous. The desert? So hot. The S&M scenes? Gagging — literally. It looked like a Beats Pill-sponsored version of Christina‘s “Not Myself Tonight” at one point. (In a good way, duh.)
She herself, of course, looks stunning. She always looks stunning, but she looks fucking stun-ning. Remember: This Work Bitch just celebrated the 15th anniversary of her debut. Two babies. And still, she continues to serve all of the girls.
While I would have liked the editing to focus on her moves for a split second longer, everything else truly exceeded whatever I could have hoped for. I mean, come on. SHARKS?! Already my favorite. But sharks and Britney Spears? Quite literally all my (circus/midnight/hidden) fantasies put into one.
‘Twas a dream within a dream, and a true POP video as only Britney Spears could ever provide. She is simply in a league of her own. The bitch is back and better than ever, as one might say. I’m so proud of her, and so happy with the end result.
For now and forever, my Queen.
(Oh, and JoJo stans for it too. Any alternative opinions are officially null and void.)
UPDATE: Oh yeah, and Britney officially approves of this review.
“Work Bitch” was released on September 16. (iTunes)
Assorted GIFs and That Stan Photo courtesy of MTV Buzzworthy, Britney Spears GIFs & The Internetz.
I C O N I C, AFTER TOXIC/SLAVE FOR YOU ONE OF HER BEST VIDEOS!
THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH.
can’t believe she used sharks!!! I LOVE THEM!!! as much as I love Britney… the video will remain a historic piece of true art…
Always the right amount of stanning (A LOT) and you’re right.
This review was LIFE! Made me want to watch the video again! I feel like I missed something…
I laughed so hard at this one nice job Bradley… but yes I am so pleased with the vid and the dancing, wish the cutaways didn’t happen but guess we can’t have it all. Now all I need is a live performance from my queen and Satan can take me home.
I died at the Lady Gaga comment. SO great.
At this point, if the album isn’t actually called Blackout 2.0: It Gets Urbaner And Also More Spearitual And A Little More Personal (Raw), it’s going to just not seem right.
She just seems to still be kind of a robot. The video itself should be really cool—but somehow something feels very off for me. It might be her (frankly lackluster) dancing, or the choreography, or the fact that the song itself is so monotone, but it didn’t come together for me the same way that her femme fatale videos did.
Truly the Queen of Pop of this Generation!!!! So flawless and iconic! So much spark and fierceness in this video!! I just can’t!! I’m incredibly happy with the queen! When will the lessors make such an amazing video tho??? Bow to the new queen of pop!
“all my (circus/midnight/hidden) fantasies put into one” THE BEST
Oh stfu you flop kunt, go back to the cave you came out of (cacadaily) anywho, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Britney goes HARD in this! I love all the dancing parts & most importantly how fierce she looked! She is serving face in this video! I think we can all unanimously agree that this is her best video since Circus. Britney pulled out all the stops for this one & it shows! QUEEN!
B.O.W. TO U ! Flawless Post !!!
Been waiting all night for your comprehensive review!! 20 out of 10!!!
Brit is undeniably beautiful, she is another person from her Xfactor disaster. But the song is bad. It lacks the innocence and sweet sexy elements that were so appealing from Brit’s videos. The slutty image is too much, the general audience and younger audience are not going to be attracted, you don´t feel attracted or identified. The video is only directed to a minority.
It won´t help the song at all. Dear Bradley, just wait a week the song will drop. We need help! The song will perform way lower than Applause, it will be the lowest debut single in her career and the lowest from all the pop muses new singles.
I was literally holding my breath until this review/truth/scripture came out. Godney Jeansus the Holy Spearit makes life worth living, tbh. She is the light penetrating the cold and darkness. That pic of Britney controlling and dominating the lessers and basics is the greatest thing in the history of ever, lets be real here.
Actually, Slave 4 U and MATM debuted and performed worse than Work Bitch. Just keep buying Work Bitch on iTunes, so hopefully the unsaved will see the light. They don’t understand that listening to Blurred Lines continually for 12 years is bad for their souls. Oh, and while you’re on iTunes, buy Kisses Down Low too, for Bradley ;)
While I was reading the review I was just thinking to myself how weirdly awesome it would be if that was the actual title. I cackled inside at the cover I envisioned in my mind with the full title. That and I desperately wished her Vegas residency was actually called Live In Las Vegasney-The Bitch Is Back. I giggled for a few minutes over that.
lol that title would never fit on an ipod screen
i couldnt go to bed without first reading this. what is my life? T_T
the more i watch it, the more i love it. That pink dress is everything. MAJESTICNEY. actually all of the outfits are great. i’m impressed. i love when there are lots of costumes.
Amazing video. It needed more close ups tho!
Bradley, I love this review and I´ve already not read it at all. Saw this video for the first time minutes ago and I can say that I´m PROUD of be a B-Army. It´s SPECTACULAR and do you know what´s the best thing? Britney´s SURE for herself and she LIKES what she does!
She’s delivered my new favorite dance move at 3:12. She slayed everybitchy with this video.
FIERCE AS FUCK!!!!!! YASSSSSSS BRITNEY YASSSSSS!!!
That pink dress tho OMG can she wear it to the next red carpet event pleaseeeee…she can jst step down from helicopter and pose for 30 seconds in that dress and my life will be complete!!!
This is the best video she has done in so long. She has that spark in her eyes again and seems to be really enjoying herself. Also, she looks HOT! like not the usual hot, but like rewind your age HOT. Other artists cant, they just cant, and that is why Britney remains the queen of hearts in this deck of cards. I couldnt have asked for more in this video!
Not to bright, huh?
I know! When Slave first leaked back in the day, people said they didnt like it and that it didnt “Sound like Britney”. Her performance at the VMAs shot the song up, and then the video sealed the deal. She has had a few singles that werent instant hits, but grew overtime to become classics that people couldnt get enough of. To this day, I still bump MATM at the gym, and I hated it when I first heard it.
She is Aliveney. Workbitchiney. Utterslayageney
im crying!!! she’s a goddess!!!! thank u too for that amazing article!!!! agreed 10000000 percent!!!!!!!
It’s ‘too’….
I love irony.
Amazing, especially without the sound.
BRITNEY MENTIONED YOU ON TWITTER! YOU MUST BE GOING OUT OF YOUR MIND!
you literally said EXACTLY what i was thinking. amazing
omg the part about her punishing the slaves for not buying Work Bitch on itunes etc had me on the floor. “Spearitual” “Confidentney” “Live in Las Veasney” *dead* Love your blog + love Britney…so excited for the new album I can’t fucking wait!
hello britney !
This is the best review … not because the queen approves it, it’s because it says everything we want to say and everything we are feeling. She never left to be back … she has always been awesome .. I’ve always loved her no matter what since Baby one more time … Work Bitch is perfect …. couldn’t top watching it all day … :) SHE IS THE QUEEN
HOLY FUCKING SHIT SHE SAID YOU WERE HER FAVORITE REVIEW OF HER MUSIC VIDEO ON TWITTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! REPRESENT THE BRITNEY ARMY!
Stunning, one of her best videos ever, no doubt about it. Really really proud of her, mainly her dancing again! <3
WOW I was waiting for ur review :)
Im always into you man.. love ur work.. and when its about our Workney than its real treat on your site!!!
Love you.. Love brit!!!
I think Its time for #BritneyArmy to convert intto #BritneySharks !!!!!!! what say?!?!? Please Spread it :)
I wonder what is it with being a britney lovahh!!! Its so Unique; the Fandom!
Oh & Felt real good whn britney favorited ur review herself.. such an honour for u .. more SWAGINESS right??? ;) Remembah Jojo :)
Love Britney, Love all Britney fans :)
I Loved This Line: Even though she doesn’t need to prove it to anyone (or ever dance again,
really), Britney danced. It was the hardest she’s done in years. Sure,
it wasn’t THE MOVES that we once got, but she’s visibly putting in effort again — she worked, bitch.
Quite literally all my (circus/midnight/hidden) fantasies put into one. – Hahaha Its Cute
Literally I am giggling on what comes after your WHY? :D
Maybe the sharks define Britney fans, always by her side, protective of her!!!
Fans=Sharks: keeping her like a Treasure!!!
1. SHE’S DANCING OMG she hasn’t danced like this since In The Zone!!! NOW Britney’s back, bitch.
2. OMG HER BODY she hasn’t looked this good since In The Zone!!! I’m glad to see the Circus/Femme Fatale onesies traded out for the Slave For You-like sexy bejeweled bras & such.
I can’t wait to see her perform this
Britney didn’t lie saying this was the best review she’s read. ;)
I love this video!! she is amazing it makes me really happy!!
“Spearitual armography” LOL. Awesome to see Britney has a sense of humor and reality herself.
The video was simply stunning.
She is back, bitches!!
i can’t stop watching this. She just has that spark in her eyes again. You can tell she’s feeling confident again.
Great dancing, hot looks, etc., but just immediately re-watch any of her best videos (“Oops!…I Did It Again” being a great example) and you’ll realize what’s still missing–FACE. Like, abundant, actual, real-human facial expressions. I’ll take that any day over more dancing.
Britney proved to EVERYONE why she isn’t only the princess of pop music, but a living LEGEND (you can look, but don’t touch).
read this for laughs yall
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/the-work-bitch-music-video-will-breathe-new-life-into-your-c
Haaa that is glorious lol, I also like this one:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mylestanzer/how-can-your-minimum-wage-job-get-you-britneys-work-bitch-li
P.S. The video is awesome, that’s why I still love Britney :)
it’s wonderful video,i love so much!
agree with u!
Urgh, shut up… Unless Britney has a writing credit on at least every track on most albums then she will never be the ‘Queen of Pop’. She’s nothing compared to Madonna, except very basic…
Amazing Britney :D
Best review EVER written. It’s Britney, BITCH!
So proud of ma boy BRADLEY! Britney is incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful champion.
I love you so much Britney! I really miss you a lot!
You know, you’re entitled to your opinion and you may have some good points in there, up until you said it didn’t come together as much as the “Femme Fatale” videos. That’s where you lost me, because, in my opinion, this was better than any FF era vids. Her FF era was WAY more robotic for me
I agree this song is not on par with timeless Britney songs of the past. It is not timeless and will not be played at your Dentists office in 10 years the way that Baby One More Time is. But that’s not what Britney needed at this point. She needed a more current (while yes, more disposable) song that will appeal to new audiences. An EDM feel and club appeal. And to be honest, she STILL did it better than most current acts. Other artists in the past have stayed true to their original sound and struggled with the evolving market, and failed. In this song Britney managed to suit the new market while still being fresh. Like I said, not timeless, but it will boost her relevance in this new (shitty) market and hopefully the second single will be more classic Britney and will do better than it would have done normally because it’s riding the wake of Work Bitch. People asked for something and her team listened. They asked for something different from Britney, and this track was. She tried still doing the sweet/innocent thing (Ooh La La?) and people demanded hot sexy Britney, especially because at 31 this is one of her last chances to pull that off. You say the video is directed to a minority and a few years back that would be true, but today that demographic is pretty much the majority. The younger audience ARE attracted to this. In fact, its the older audience, the audience that grew up loving Britney that would be the ones that are turned off. Your points have validity but are a little hasty.
perfect review … I laughed very hard at some points.
Flawless stan!
I WANT TO NAIL BRITNEY SPEARS IN ALL POSITIONS IN BED….
Oh shut up when will tha told hag have an album like blackout though??? besides it’s already confirmed that album 8 was completely written and co-written by britney herself so STFU and GTFO!
Amazing. Hilarious. Creative. I bow to a full-blow Brit Fan!!! Round of Applause. Now work bitch!
I’m not uber stan by a long shot, but I must say this video is gorgeous and she looks awesome and is dancing better than she has in a LONG LONG time. Good for her. I don’t even like the song really, but this video made me warm up to it more.
I respect everyones opinion but I think this vid is the return to form people have been screaming for since the EXTREMELY overly-exaggerated negative media coverage of the VMA performance of “Gimme More.” I loved a lot of the music from Blackout through FF, especially Blackout, but the vids/performances just didn’t have that Britney edge. It was more difficult for me to enjoy because I felt like she didn’t enjoy it. You could just see in her face that she wasn’t into it. That performance of S&M with Rihanna comes to mind.
But now, the TIGER Britney is back. I forget who talked about the “tiger” in her, but that’s a very good way of putting it. She’s never had to prove anything to anyone, as Bradley mentioned, but hell if she didn’t do just that.
We don’t often, if ever, get much insight into Brit’s personal life, but anyone who’s ever been through a heartbreak should be able to understand, and we only saw the tip of the iceberg. And going through all of that in the public eye.
She never lost it, but I think the tiger was licking it’s wounds there for a while.
I was not encouraged when I first heard the song, but it’s turning out to be a grower for sure.
I’m just beyond happy to see her like this again. Put a smile on my face.
& that’s so exciting she tweeted this review! happy for you Bradley :)
P.S. I don’t know if this was on purpose or not, but I loved the throwbacks to her older vids. One that I really noticed was when she was kneeling on the platform surrounded by sharks, simply the way she had her hands on her legs and sang with her head tilted back and to the side. Instant “baby one more time” nostalgia.
you really know what youre talkin about!
Gotta love it!
Wasn’t gonna comment on this but… Gosh I know it’s CGI…
Lol. Love the Enthousiasm :D
*whisper*
I lllloooooooooooooooooovvveeee the vid, btw :) i’m serenely content now..
1st view I was giggling and clapping again with brightly starred shining eyes like an anime little girl. And I’m a boy. ^_^ *_*
love comments depicting their life as being complete by SEEING britney show herself somewhere fiercly/positively/amazingneyly. her talent comes from God, she is a small part of the gifts of god
*kiss* :)
:)
okay, i get it: you love her, and i agree that everyone should have a queen to worship. although i don’t want to be a party-pooper, the imagery in this video carries an extremely misogynous message – or am i the only one seeing this?
Love this girl, I remember I was in love with “sometimes ” and “toxic”
Congrats for the review & for… (WOW!!!) Britney read and tweeted this! Well deserved !
This girl ROCKS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zG6R-mXPP6w
The new song and videoclip is amazing hot. Britney I love to wacthing you and hearing your voice..I wish you all the best Britney. I wish you were with me at this moment. You are the prettiest women in the World. Grettings from Poland
this puts a smile on my face too :P