The 2010 American Music Awards aired live tonight. I live-tweeted the event. Well, most of it. (The Walking Dead came on at 10–I do have my priorities, after all.)
So, rather doing a rather drawn-out summary of the affair, I figure I’d just regurgitate what I just said–except with pictures and video links. Lazy, right? Oh, and if you couldn’t tell yet, you should totally be following me on Twitter.
Like Diddy-Dirty Money says…LET’S GO!!111!!! (I luv Jesus.)
(WATCH)
8:06 PM: Rihanna! I’m dying!!!
8:06 PM: Those hips! THOSE LEGS! The hair! The drums! The glass grass! This is EVERYTHING! @Rihanna!!!
(WATCH)
8:20 PM: UMF UMF UMF. Enrique looks as hot as he sounds right now. Tonight I’m fucking you!
8:21 PM: Okay, there is no need for this much Auto-Tune. Sounds like he’s being drowned.
(WATCH)
8:25 PM: LOL @ Miley singing “Forgiveness And Love.” Awful, awful ballad. Trying to channel Stevie much?
(WATCH)
8:31 PM: DIDDY DIRTY MONEY. Literally 1/5 as good as Danity Kane.
8:35 PM: It’s recently come to my attention that Diddy Dirty Money are more terrible than I thought.
8:36 PM: THAT’S TAYLOR SWIFT?! I THOUGHT THAT WAS XTINA!
(WATCH)
8:37 PM: Kid Rock. Bathroom break.
8:42 PM: OK WE GET IT I FEEL VURRY AMERICAN NOW TYVM KID ROCK U CAN GO NOW.
8:43 PM: Crossing fingers that Kitty Purry ejaculates some titty-works tonight.
(WATCH)
8:49 PM: Oh hey, the Black Eyed Peas! I love them because they’re not annoying or destroying pop music in the slightest!
8:51 PM: I imagine this “Dirty Bit” song would provide the perfect soundtrack to getting roofied.
8:52 PM: Also, this whole box-head dancers/bright lights staging is ripped straight from the Pet Shop Boys‘ Pandemonium Tour. #JustSaying
(WATCH)
8:59 PM: Choir of boys singing “Firework” = What I imagine seeing before cast into the fires of Hell. The Antichrist descends screeching!
9:02 PM: God, I miss Britney Spears.
9:04 PM: OH NICKI. WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE.
9:04 PM: WILLOW SMITH INTRODUCING JUSTIN BIEBER MY MIND JUST ENDED.
9:06 PM: The fact that Willow had to stand on her tippy-toes to reach the mic was adorbs overload.
(WATCH)
9:08 PM: Nice one. This Bieber chick is going places!
(WATCH)
9:19 PM: I can’t with the Bon Jovi. They’re like a seasoned Nickelback for me.
(WATCH)
9:32 PM: Pink‘s stylist should be slaughtered. Slaughtered. Even if looking uncool is ‘the point.’
9:34 PM: THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH HAPPENING ON STAGE AND IT’S MAKING ME NERVOUS.
9:38 PM: I liked it, @Pink. Raising a glass! (To get through the rest of the night.)
(WATCH)
9:47 PM: Oh no. Please don’t. I can’t. Taylor Swift.
9:50 PM: Taylor writes well, but she literally has a half-octave range, doesn’t she?
9:58 PM: Ready for Xtina to close out this mess.
(WATCH)
10:00 PM: I love this. It’s like “Lady Marmalade” part deux. And Chicago. And PCD. And Britney‘s “BOMT” cabaret performance on the Onyx tour.
10:04 PM: Wait, is anyone else performing tonight? If not, I’m switching to #TheWalkingDead now.
10:09 PM: Oof. Actual zombies win over boy bands brought back from the dead. Sorry! #AMA2010 coverage over.
(WATCH)
10:28 PM: I’m BACK FOR KESHUX.
10:29 PM: Those background singers are a PROBLEM AND A HALF.
10:34 PM: I miss Britney Spears.
And then I continued to watch zombies, thus completing my incomplete coverage of the 2010 American Music Awards. Apparently Usher, Backstreet Boys and New Kids On The Block performed as well, but honestly? I was too busy watching people getting eaten.
Although I hardly gave her justice in my live-tweeting, it should be noted that Rihanna’s performance was–by far–the performance of the night for me. Frankly, I was too busy gasping and giddily grinding my hips along with her to do much tweeting at the time! Also, I may or may not have felt a strange desire to make love to a woman after seeing that performance.
I thank you for your time.
