It’s that magical time again!

A time when–year after year–music enthusiasts of all walks of life come together to scratch their heads in complete and utter befuddlement while sifting through bizarrely incomplete, lackluster lists of nominees for the biggest categories of the most coveted award in the music industry: ~The Grammys~!

So let’s have a looksee at the four major categories announced on the live CBS broadcast tonight, shall we?

Song of the Year
Eminem & Rihanna – “Love the Way You Lie”
Cee Lo Green – “F**k You”
Miranda Lambert – “The House That Built Me”
Ray LaMontagne – “Beg, Steal, or Borrow”
Lady Antebellum – “Need You Now”

While none of these songs are actually anywhere near the greatest songs of the year (my own list will come in the following few weeks), the title ought to go to Em and RiRi for their seven week #1 summer mega smash, “Love the Way You Lie.” It’s an excellent production, if nothing else but for the leading lady’s aching chorus.

That being said, many, many props for the Cee Lo recognition!

Best New Artist
Drake
Esperanza Spalding
Justin Bieber
Florence + the Machine
Mumford & Sons

While Bieber will likely swipe this (despite having been around for–what, three years now?), there’s no competition: Florence + The Machine is the ultimate pick. Powerful, mystical and entirely fresh, their debut album Lungs continues to blow my mind nearly a year and a half after its release, still on heavy rotation.

Florence Welch is a serious force to be reckoned with–and this won’t be the last time her name will appear at this awards ceremony. Just wait and see.

Best Album of the Year
Drake
Eminem
Lady Antebellum
Lady Gaga
Katy Perry

First, let me bitch: Excuse me? Do not.

Do not even tell me Teenage Dream is anywhere near worthy of attaining the title of “Best” anything. Other than its sublime title track, Teenage Dream is nothing more than a showcase of big label dollars and cheap gloss. Cheap fun? Sure. Quality? Stop it. Stop it right now.

In a year that saw the release of Robyn‘s Body Talk, Kelis’ Flesh Tone, Kylie Minogue‘s Aphrodite, Sia‘s We Are Born and countless other releases–the fact that Teenage Dream is getting the glory is actually a damn near crime.

Anyway, the title goes to Lady Gaga (obviously)–The Fame Monster was the greatest album (EP) of 2009.

Record of the Year
B.O.B. – Nothing On You (feat. Bruno Mars)
Eminem – Love The Way You Lie (feat. Rihanna)
Cee Lo Green – Fuck You
Lady Antebellum – Need You Now
Jay-Z – Empire State of Mind (feat. Alicia Keys)

While Princess RiRi and Em may also snatch this one for their summer chart stretch, the title should really be handed to Jay-Z for his “Empire State of Mind.” The song is an instant classic upon first play, destined to go down in history as the first truly major 21st century ode to NYC.

As usual, the industry’s bigwigs remains (mostly) oblivious, frivolous and startlingly outdated.