britney living legend

The Britney Countdown is objectively the most Important Pop Event of 2013 — apart from confirmation that Britney’s in the studio with Naughty Boy, William Orbit and Sia, that is.

But following the excitement of this initial discovery, important discoveries now lie in the subtle details of this countdown.

Let’s break it down while it’s still hot as ice.

britneycountdown

1.) The background.

It sort of looks like a curtain, suggesting that the Vegasney tour dates may finally be announced. Perhaps it’s an homage to The Circus Tour. Or, the curtain is a metaphor. Perhaps the curtain exists as the barrier between the common people and the Holy Spearit — one which we may never cross because of our general unworthiness.

britneyspears

2.) “Britney Spears.”

It’s Britney, bitch.

infinity

3.) The infinity sign.

Some might say it’s an “8” sideways, representing Album 8 or 8RITNEY or Blackout 2.0: It Gets Urbaner And Also More Spearitual And A Little More Personal (Raw). Some might also say it’s an infinity sign, representing Britney’s continued legacy as a Living Legend and an exceptional earner. Some might also say it is a decorative mark.

alleyesonme

4.) “All Eyes On Me.”

Unless Britney’s going Metaney again (see “Hit me one more time, it’s so amazing” in Femme Fatale‘s “Inside Out,” for example), this is not the name of the new single or album — it’s a line from her iconic 2008 single, “Circus.” Or, perhaps it’s the title of her long awaited autobiography, Their Eyes Were Watching Godney.

theline

5.) The line.

The line represents the line that Britney has crossed time and time again with her risk-taking, often scandalizing performances. “Shame on me,” The Britney Countdown seems to suggest, “to need release.” It also represents the chart and radio records that she so often effortlessly breaks. It’s also a subtle reference to “Out From Under”: “Even when I cross the line, it’s like a lie I tell a thousand times…”

signup

6.) The sign-up.

It looks like cigarette. It’s already on record that the smell of cigarettes and cologne is trouble for Britney. Is Britney in trouble? Or is Britney about to cause some trouble? Is Britney releasing a song called “Cigarette”? Or is Britney releasing a tobacco-scented men’s fragrance named Nicotine Fantasy?

countdown

7.) The countdown date.

28 27 days. 23 hours. Some seconds. When dealing with Our Very Own Pop Princess-now-Queen of Pop, every second counts. And what is that countdown leading up to? September 17, 2013, 9:30 AM EST. What else happened on September 17?

• In 1626, Sabbatai Zevi, a Montenegrin rabbi who claimed to be the Jewish Messiah, died. He was also a Kabbalist. COINCIDENCE?
• In 1630, the city of Boston was founded. COINCIDENCE?
• In 1983, Vanessa Williams became the first black Miss America. Miss America is a pageant. COINCIDENCE?
• In 1982, Wade Robson was born. COINCIDENCE?
• And in 2013, Rockstar Games will release Grand Theft Auto V. COINCIDENCE? (UPDATE: AS SUSPECTED, NOT A COINCIDENCE AT ALL.)

britney pray

Let us pray.