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Living InStyle is the new thing.

Professional Living Legend, on-again, off-again retirement planner and “Perfume” chanteuse Britney Jean Spears graces the cover of the January 2014 issue of InStyle next month. (Oh, and don’t even worry about that meh cover — the pictures inside are so, so GORGEOUS. Look above!)

Early scans of the magazine have surfaced over at BreatheHeavy, so we’ve got the full interview in our tiny hands (REFERENCE). It’s refreshingly Candidney and steers clear of the standard answers we’ve been hearing — there’s not even one single mention of “term of endearment.” But there is a mention of “peptide-based face-care product”! Uh, that you, Britney? Sure. Okay.

Here are the bits that matter the most.

1.) “Stronger” is part of the Live In Las Vegasney setlist. (Thank Godney.)

“But nowadays ‘Stronger’ is the soundtrack to her life. It will have her devotees screaming along in solidarity, cheering on the pop star who can’t be stopped.

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2.) Her body aches.

“My body yesterday — I just felt so bad. I had to get two massages in one day! When I was younger I wasn’t as likely to rehearse as hard as I do now. I’m harder on myself these days. Before, I would practice two times, and I’d be done. Nowadays, I’m very critical of myself.”

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3.) Illuminatiney acknowledges that it’s hard out here for a #WORKBXXCH — because of the devil. Does anyone have Ariana Grande’s number?

“But in this business you make a deal with the devil. I’ve learned you kind of have to go along with it. What I do calls for me to look good. I kind of take it as my job.”

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4.) The dick was simply too bomb when she was Pregnantney, giving “boom boom baybeh” a whole new meaning.

“I loved being pregnant for so many reasons, not to mention the sex is so awesome then.”

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5.) She’s still a boxer in the ring, trying to defend herself.

“Actually, I think my arms are the best part of my body. The most cut I ever got was when I had this amazing boxing trainer in New York. He got hit so many times, he was blind in one eye. He ripped me up like there was no tomorrow.”

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6.) Don’t cry. Strong Britney.

“And it’s empowering. I think it’s good for women to box because it tires you out and helps you with whatever you’re going through emotionally. You may even cry after a class because it brings out all the tension you’ve been holding in.”

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7.) REFERENCENEY.

“I may worry too much about something because it’s just the way I am. I can’t help myself, and I drive myself frickin’ crazy.”

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8.) A Mother’s Gift: Confusion, mainly.

“As a mom, you have all these situations you go through and you’re like, “What’s going on? Is this normal? Is this a phase? Or what is this?’ And then you feel silly for asking questions because you think, I’m a mom, I supposed to know these things, but you don’t. You’re human.”

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9.) She remains a tireless LGBT warrior and hopes her boys find love unconditionally, like that Kathy Perry song.

“I hope they find happiness in love. I also hope that they are gentlemen and adore and cherish whoever they’re with.”

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10.) Her loneliness is still killing her (NOT ALONE, NOT ALONE, NOT ALONE), but she’s got a plan (get pregnant).

“I would really like to have another baby, a girl. I think she would be like a mini-me. I think it’s going to be crazy. I’m not going to feel as alone in this world anymore. I’m going to feel like I have a second person, like, that’s me.”

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11.) It’s (mostly) Britney tweeting your heart.

“Most of it comes from me, but I do work with my team on it.”

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12.) With a taste of her lips, she’s..getting injections. And knows what “peptide-based” means?

“A doctor I see, [Beverly Hills plastic surgeon] Dr. [Raj] Kanodia, does fun stuff to me somtimes — I’ve had lip injections before. He has this peptide-based face-care product; it’s green and slimy, and you mix it together and put it on your face. It does wonders. You leave it on overnight. Can you tell I love skin care?”

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13.) But above all, Britney is still “a goofball.”

“Definitely. In fact, even more so.”

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And that’s why we love you, B.