When life gives you ham-sized buttocks, you make ’em shake like an earthquake.

In just a few brief singles over the course of 2014, Nicki Minaj has gone from a “Lookin’ Ass” spitfire femcee to a “Pills N Potions” pensive pop princess to the Sir Mix-A-Lot-sampling “Anaconda” ass shaker we know and love today.

After teasing the visual for several weeks, Mizz Minaj’s just dropped the video on our laps tonight and, surprising to approximately no one, it’s a nearly 5-minute long serving of the finest twerking, rump-shaking and ass-clapping witnessed on God’s great green Earth.

So much ass.

ass-1

Here an ass.

ass-2

There an ass.

ass-3

Everywhere an ass, ass.

From jiggling her humps in the jungle, to (t)werking on her fitness, to making a mess in the kitchen with a batch of bananas and whipped cream, to creeping up to Drake and attempting to awaken his anaconda (which only stirs for Rihanna, or so I’ve heard), Nicki Minaj shows us the true meaning of multitassking.

Ass.

Take Katy Perry‘s “Roar,” throw in Eric Prydz“Call On Me,” drizzle in a hint of “Itty Bitty Piggy” and “5 Star” Mixtape Minaj clips and then toss it all into the most ratchet, rump-shaped blender you can find, and there you have it: The true ARTPOP that is “Anaconda.” (Really, it’s amazing.)

Ass.

God bless America, and God bless Nicki Minaj. Now, who’s hungry?

Ass.

“Anaconda” was released on August 4. (iTunes)