And now, the other list you’ve been waiting to argue about!
Following the Top 20 Albums of 2014 list, it is now once again that time of year when we take a look back at some of the best, most #blessed singles released in the past eleven and a half-ish months (or earlier, if they only became a hit this year) and then proceed to hem and haw over the exact order of their perceived greatness.
Again, this is a reflection of my taste, not that of the general public. As a result, it’s messy…just like myself!
Feel free to weigh in with your own list in the comments below. (To reiterate, any and all outrage about the ranking and/or the inevitable snubbed singles will be met with a chilly, deafening silence, because zero fooks given.)
And now, the Top 50 Singles of 2014 — and before you ask, Madonna‘s “Living For Love” will count in 2015, not this year. And away we go, #unapologeticbitches! (You’re welcome in advance for the bootleg Taylor Swift remix on the Spotify playlist.)
50. Hilary Duff, “All About You”
The folk-pop makeover is a bit of a non-event for The Duff, but at least this catchy lil’ ditty is a delight.
49. TIAAN, “Devil’s Touch”
Smooth slinkiness dedicated to a “What if?” situation (Sliding Doors style), to be played over and over again.
48. Nicki Minaj, “Anaconda”
For the line “he toss my salad like his name Romaine” alone, if nothing else.
47. Fifth Harmony, “BO$$”
5H goes for #SomethingMoreUrban, resulting in the best ode to Michelle Obama you never knew you were missing from your Burlesque soundtrack.
46. Jennifer Lopez, “I Luh Ya Papi”
The unsung theme song for true lovers of papis, and a contender for a new national anthem for our nation.
45. Selena Gomez, “The Heart Wants What It Wants”
44. Paris Hilton, “Come Alive”
The heiress transports us to a magical realm of rainbows and unicorns for a bizarre, beautiful trance-pop odyssey beamed in from the year 2050.
43. Moxiie, “Jilted”
NYC-bred talent and certifiable “One To Watch” provides a jilted, jagged jolt of emotion. That chorus!
42. Bebe Rexha, “I Can’t Stop Drinking About You”
Bebe cracks open a bottle and spills her heart out over crashing electronic beats.
41. Years & Years, “Take Shelter”
Electro-reggae-synth-pop pulsations with a sexy chorus that will seriously linger for days on end.
40. Say Lou Lou, “Everything We Touch”
Truth in advertising: Everything the twin sisters touch does, in fact, turn to gold.
39. Calvin Harris, Blame (feat. John Newman)”
The other UK soul-pop crooner gets a much deserved breakout on the dance floor.
38. Cher Lloyd, “Sirens”
The bratty tween-pop sensation steps up her game and delivers the vulnerability we fell in love with on The X Factor.
37. Nicole Scherzinger, “Your Love”
If at first you don’t succeed…try making it in the UK. A summer jam that sticks! Doo-doo-doo-da-doo!
36. Fifth Harmony, “Sledgehammer”
That moment when a group of talented girls actually, genuinely get it right for the first time.
35. Francesco Yates, “Call”
Delicately crafted, profoundly underrated melodic soul-pop for the summer. His time will come.
34. Rita Ora, “I Will Never Let You Down”
I know. Shh. Just don’t talk about it in front of Calvin.
33. Broods, “Mother & Father”
Brooding New Zealand brother-sister duo sings about leaving home and strikes a major emotional chord.
32. Becky G, “Shower”
The tiny Latina pop sprite brought new dimension to the showering experience in 2014, thanks to the reliably infectious and vaguely problematic sound of Dr. Luke.
31. Lady Gaga, “G.U.Y.”
Believe it or not, there was a time when Lady Gaga was not a full time Liza Minnelli impersonator.
30. Troye Sivan, Happy Little Pill”
YouTube star defies expectations and delivers surprisingly deep, downtempo synth-pop melancholy.
29. Florrie, “Little White Lies”
Florrie briefly transports us back to the halcyon days of Xenomania. It could be a lush Girls Aloud banger, if you just close your eyes and imagine…
28. Lykke Li, “Gunshot”
Lykke channels the haunting spirit of Fleetwood Mac for a genuinely jaw-dropping, perfectly crafted devastation anthem, and the video is basically a post-apocalyptic “Chandelier.”
27. MNEK, “Every Little Word”
Throwback ’90’s R&B melodies, key changes and a kitchen sink’s worth of production — somehow, it all works together like magic from one of the UK’s top talents.
26. Samantha Jade, “Sweet Talk”
Sammi steps back in time to serve us peak-era Camp Kylie, thus saving pop in 2014.
Continue to Page 2, if the spirit moves you…