Here we have X Factor‘s Matt Cardle singing a hilarious little ditty called “Ballad of Maiden,” dedicated to his befallen buddy from Team Minogue, Aiden Grimshaw. (WATCH)

“That Ace Ventura quiff, you were always so intense / It weirded Cheryl out because you didn’t rap,” Cardle tenderly croons.

And now, commence the “AWWW!”-ing, giggling and/or splurging from every gay and girl across the land.