Ever find yourself asking others: “Can ya faves?”
Do you often lurk in the shadows, waiting for the perfect opportunity to jump out, slay and subsequently snatch wigs?
Well, worry no more: There’s a place for you.
Introducing my latest, greatest find ever: Stan Wars, a complete resource for anything and everything stan-related. The comprehensive website features any and all of the required information necessary for stanning for any up-and-coming pop star. (Unless, of course, you’re stanning for a basic bitch–you might want to take the quiz to find out.)
From the website:
Welcome to Stan-Wars.com, a comprehensive guide to worshipping people you don’t know, who live a lifestyle you can’t afford, supported by an industry you don’t understand.
Everyday, on internet servers and mobile devices all around the world, wigs are snatched, font is enlarged, and blood pressure is raised over female pop star stan wars.
It’s not enough that we give them hundreds (or thousands) of our dollars every year, we must also form internet militias, bashing anyone who does not believe that our favorite artist is the greatest thing since free porn.
And while the entire website is an incredible helpful tool to navigate the oft-turbulent seas of standom, it’s the Stanipedia, a .GIF-happy Wikipedia portal devoted to furthering your knowledge about the amount of wigs your fave has firmly clenched between her fingers, that truly takes the cake.
Do you go hard for Britney like me? Great! You’ll learn all about our shared mental condition: Britlexia, a learning disibility which “impairs a stan’s ability to understand simple logic and read basic English.”
Or perhaps you’re also a member of the Rihanna Navy? Perfect! You’ll learn about Ri’s infamous climb to fame when “she swam to America on a Thursday and had a #1 single on Friday.”
Or what about Christina? Well, err…okay! Perhaps you’ll recall The Bionic Massacre.
And then there’s other standoms, such as Ciara (“born Cedric Marcellus Harris in 1985 in Dallas, TX”), whose stans are often referred to as “African’t Americans. They’re like Britney Stans only they’re darker, they have no album sales to brag about, and there’s only 2 of them.”
This website has obviously become an instant MuuMuse Approved favorite, and all your friends, faves and haters need to know about it.
So for now…
STAY MAD, PRESSED AND OBSESSED.