Jennifer Lopez may not be giving Mademoiselle Gaga a run for her money vocally anytime in the next…err, forever, but she’s just thrown down the bejeweled gauntlet when it comes to product placement in her latest video.

Like Gagalita’s mini-epic-that-goes-on-a-bit “Telephone,” Jenny’s newest clip for “Papi” operates on a whole new level of brand-happy buffoonery, featuring like eleventy billion product placements, including Blackberry, PlentyOfFish, the Fiat and Crown Royal Whisky as though the mamacita’s gone twirling through the warehouse floor of a high-end Costco.

But you know what? We all know sister honey child enjoys stacking the paper on the daily (okurr, American Idol?), and I am not about to shade her hustle: Beyond the video’s steep price tag, “Papi” is a story. YES, A STORY: A ROM-COM! Well, sort of. Kind of like an action-adventure Rom-Com from Hell which finds La Lopez being chased down by dozens and dozens of lusty lovers after she, well…um, after she eats a cookie. A MAGICAL COOKIE!

Okay. You know, I’ll admit it: It was a teensy bit difficult for me to suspend my disbelief for this one. As someone who spends a good-to-great amount (and/or all) of their leisure time eating cookies and crying alone in their room while watching Britney: For The Record, I find it interesting that not even one man has jumped through a glass window to get a piece of me. Surely I’m just not eating the right kind of cookies? Yeah. That must be it.

OH, right: And there’s a pretty amazing dance scene in a parking lot. It’s both silly and fierce (sillierce), which makes it thoroughly hot and impressive…especially given the whole ‘She’s 42, y’all!’ thing. She can still pull off tight choreography!

ALSO: SHE IS SO FUCKING GORGEOUS AND FLAWLESS. I mean…I know I say flawless often, but like…THIS WOMAN IS FREE OF ALL FLAW.

Sure, “Papi” may not be the fierce lasers ‘n’ smoke club sequel to “Waiting For Tonight” that one might have expected from its pulsating beat, but it’s certainly fun and thoroughly amusing–and I’m always here for a pop princess who knows how to poke a little fun at themselves. MuuMuse APPROVED!

The “Papi” remixes were released on September 13. (iTunes)