I’ve always been quite confident that Will.I.Am is on a personal vendetta to ruin my life.
From “Check It Out,” featuring Nicki Minaj & Cheryl Cole, to “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)” featuring Jennifer Lopez and Mick Jagger, to his own group’s illustrious back catalog, the Black Eyed Peas‘ pop incarnation of Satan has been serving up Auto-Tune slathered, mind-numbing, ear-bleeding, tinfoil-covered painful pop turds for seemingly centuries now.
But now, he’s really gone and done it.
In an interview with Capital FM, the “Boom Boom Pow” soul-sucker confirmed that none other than his own label’s ‘musical act’ LMFAO, the uncle-nephew duo with all the appeal of those two smelly distant relatives that you tried desperately avoid at your cousin’s Bar Mitzvah last year (I think your Uncle Schlomo went to Hebrew School with one of them?), have somehow dug their drunk talons into Madonna‘s massively anticipated Superbowl performance.
Speaking to Capital FM about Madge’s halftime show, Will.i.am says, “I’m going to the Super Bowl this year to see my group LMFAO perform with Madonna.” LMFAO, who scored a pair of Hot 100 chart-toppers last year with “Party Rock Anthem” and “Sexy and I Know It,” are signed to Will.i.am Music Group through Cherrytree/Interscope.
The Peas star continued, “Check that out, Will.i.am Music Group is pretty freaking two for two…One year the Super Bowl, the next year another group part of the Super Bowl in collaboration with Madonna. That’s still happening.”
Look, I get what’s occurring: Relevancy is a factor for Madonna in 2012. LMFAO are ‘hit-makers.’ “Sexy And I Know It” is, like, a thing or whatever. Frat boys and Jersey Shore cast members are very much here for LMFAO.
But Madonna is different, okay? You can’t just pour shots, wear zany necklaces and yell some “WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, YEAH!” bullshit while farting across stage in a drunken haze and doing coke in the locker room off of a discarded jock strap.
It’s fucking MADONNA. Singer of “Live To Tell.” She’s not an irritating rash on the surface of pop music–she’s a masterclass entertainer, a storyteller, an ingenious provocateur that challenged the boundaries of shock and taste in a smart, thoughtful way. (I mean, she did give that guy a rim-job in the Sex book, BUT THAT WAS ART.)
There are so, so, so many other ‘hot’ artists happening on the charts right now that would have worked better: Rihanna, Drake, Usher, fuck, even Katy Perry. But LMFAO? I mean…is there no sanctity? Is there no respect? God?
This is simply a travesty: Madonna is the Queen. Who invited the court jesters? Music weeps.