And now, a video that more or less captures the very essence of my being.

Yesterday, dozens of performers took to the stage at Buckingham Palace for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee concert, where the royal family and the British people came together to celebrate the 60th Anniversary of the Queen of Britain’s ascension to the throne. (Lessers, take note: This is not to be confused with the Pop Throne, on which Madonna has sat for roughly thirty years. Stay pressed.)

Following the concert, the Queen headed backstage to try and bang Robbie Williams greet all of the performers. Kylie Minogue was her chaperone. Footage of this event exists, which you can now watch below.

The following actually occurs and is not made up:

+ The Queen’s personal chaperone down the row of celebrities is Kylie Minogue.
+ Kylie Minogue introduces The Queen of England to Cheryl Cole.
+ Will.I.Am is also there, but whatever. No1curr.
+ Cheryl Cole literally has no idea what to say to the Queen, so she just bows down.
+ Grace Jones is standing next to Cheryl Cole.
+ Grace Jones, Kylie Minogue, Cheryl Cole and The Queen are all standing in the same frame.
+ The Queen of England comments on Grace Jones changing her outfit.
+ Grace Jones tells the Queen that her legs would have been “too much.”

QUEEN OVERLOAD.

I can’t with any of this. WHAT?!

First of all, Kylie Minogue as The Queen’s personal chaperone down the line of celebrities–GENIUS. I seriously wish I could have been there for that planning session just prior to the event.

“Wait! Sorry, who’s planning to guide the Queen down the line?”
*Everyone at the table looks around and mumbles*
“Tom?”
“Tom’s guarding the palace, sir.”
“Robert?”
“He’s looking after Sir Elton John’s piano, sir.”
“Charles?”
“Making sure Grace Jones doesn’t try to eat anyone again, sir.”
“Bloody hell, who’s left?”
“I mean…Kylie Minogue?”
*Everyone looks around, shrugs and nods in agreement*
“KYLIE IT IS.”

Secondly, I love the fact that Cheryl just goes completely silent. A polite curtsy…and that’s it. Completely speechless/humbled. It’s like we’re back in Girls Aloud territory and Queen Nuhdeen just walked by or something. SHAYS VAHRAY UHMOHSHANUHL.

And Grace? GRACE. The scene-stealing star of the show, as always. Flashing her lady bits multiple times? The way she says “cooooOOOLD!” at the end? Frankly, I’m surprised she didn’t throw the Queen on her shoulders, steal an accordion and launch into a stunning performance of “La Vie En Rose” on the stairs of the palace. And then do this to Will.I.Am:

I know what you’re all thinking, so I better just say it now…

NEW GIRL GROUP ALERT!

A boy can dream.

Thank you to Camille from Hard Candy Music for showing me this/shaking and crying about it with me.