While some pop stars are piercing their septums and thumbing through old David Bowie vinyls for inspiration and others are aimlessly driving giant gold 18-wheelers around the country, the Legendary Miss Britney Spears is busy remaining relevant by crafting what will be 2013’s greatest album — or maybe just the greatest album ever.
A few minutes ago, the Lover of Perfect Lovers and Tireless Smurf Warrior — having already spent the start of the week waving to fans on the blue carpet — blessed Twitter to acknowledge one of the daily Trending Topics about Album 8, tentatively titled Blackout 2.0: It Gets Better And Also More Spearitual And A Little More Personal (Raw) (We’re Just Having Lots of Lunches Right Now).
Quoth the Godney…
It's coming sooner than you think ;) But this album is for my diehard fans so it needs to be perfect!!!! http://t.co/OMTlLGMyuI
— Britney Spears (@britneyspears) August 2, 2013
First of all, “diehard fans”: That means you, all ye loyal members of the Britney Army/Spearleaders/Godney Air Force/Britney’s Bitches/Spearitual Soldiers/Bad Girls & Good Little Boys: The ones who know the choreogaphy. The ones who voted for “Lucky,” “I’m A Slave 4 U” and “Overprotected” on TRL every day after school. The ones who bow in unworthiness and leave Starbucks offerings at her star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame.
She’s directly subtweeting you.
Second of all, “sooner than you think.” Translation: “I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting…but I’m here now.”
We already know Album 8 is due out by the end of 2013. But “sooner than you think”? That means faster than the time it takes for your brain to process information.
It could happen at any point in time: It could drop in 3 weeks. It could drop tomorrow. It could drop RIGHT NOW. In fact, it might have already dropped yesterday — is it possible to time travel speed? (REFERENCE.)
This point is this: Don’t sleep. Don’t eat. Don’t leave the house. Just breathe…on me.
2013: GODNEY STRIKES BACK.