Do you feel that? That electric chill in the air? It’s mid-September (Spearstember, if you will), which means a new Britney era is upon us.
Today is the day.
After the endless rumors (“OMG, it’s called ‘All Eyes On Me’!” “OMG, it’s not really called ‘Work Bitch’ — that’s just a decoy!” “OMG, an anonymous Twitter account says it’s called ‘Feed The Wolves’!”), fan riots, fake snippets and lyrics galore, Britney has finally parched the unholy thirst of the Britney Army/Spearitual Warriors/Godney Air Force/Bitches ‘N Slaves with a brand new single.
The song is called “Work Bitch,” and it’s the official lead single from Britney’s forthcoming eighth studio album due out later this year — tentatively titled Blackout 2.0: It Gets Urbaner And Also More Spearitual And A Little More Personal (Raw).
Go call the po-lice, go call the govahnuh and tell somebody in your town: It’s time to break it down (REFERENCE).
+ The production credits.
“Work Bitch” was co-penned and co-produced by Album 8 Executive Producer will.i.am and Antony Preston (David Guetta‘s “Night Of Your Life and Nicole Scherzinger‘s “Boomerang,” among others), The Legendary Miss Britney Spears, Swedish DJ Otto Jettman and Ruth-Anne Cunningham, writer of JoJo‘s “Too Little Too Late.” (Swedish House Mafia‘s Sebastian Ingrosso‘s credited on the track as well — but he didn’t write it.)
+ The beat.
“HERE COMES THE BIG BEAT — BIG BEAT DISAS-TUH!”
Mercifully, will.i.am managed to get himself in check and avoid the usual dumber thuds of his own work, like “Check It Out” and “T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever)”. Instead, he’s tapped into his #SomethingMoreInnovative side — the one that had a hand in crafting Kelis‘ unbelievable Flesh Tone — resulting in a wall of electronic sound that feels spectacularly 22nd century.
+ The lyrics.
“You want to live fancy? / Live in a big mansion? / Party in France? / You better work bitch.”
Is “Work Bitch” the most lyrically advanced record Britney’s ever released? Perhaps not — for that, we look to “E-Mail My Heart.” But it is incredibly fierce, and similar to the playful brag attacks of Blackout‘s “Hot As Ice” and Circus‘ “Kill The Lights.” It’s the stuff of a nasty sidewalk strut or a ferocious vogue-off in the club — and with the Spearit by your side, you’ll never lose.
Perhaps the greatest lyric of all the lyrics? “I am the bad bitch — the bitch that ya lovin’ on!” Bye, everyone else.
+ The vocals.
THE. VOCALS.
Sure, anybody could technically sing “Work Bitch,” but it’s Britney’s Spearitual delivery and fierce enunciation that sets the track apart and makes it a distinctly Britney banger. The track allows B-Girl to have some fun with her vocals like never before, confidently playing with those syllables like it’s a game of Twister Dance.
Key Spearitual bits include, but are not limited to:
• “AH-OHHHHHH! AH-OHHHHH!”
• “HERE IT CO-O-OMES.”
• “LOOK HAWT IN A BUH-KEY-NEY.”
• “FAN-CEE.”
• “PRO-FESH-UN.”
• “BOO-GATI.”
• “GOV-A-NUH.”
• “SMASH-UH.
• “BIG BEAT DISAS-TUH.”
+ The bass.
It continues to get big-gah.
+ Speaking of, is it “Scream & Shout 2.0”?
Not really, no. Is it a dance song like “Scream & Shout”? Yes. And at times, the verses are vaguely similar to the cocky delivery in her global smash with will.i.am, but the punchy production and massive breakdowns make this song one million times more thrilling.
+ The bridge.
The track — for the most part — is a linear surge of electronic energy, but the bridge does something more…different (and urban).
“Hold your head high…fingers to the sky!” B girl urges as the beat drops out and the song lifts up into spacey new heights. It’s the most melodic moment the song offers — a quick moment to wipe the sweat off your brow, lift your hands up and send praise up to Godney.
But don’t get too comfortable…
+ The dizzying finale.
“WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK. WORK IT OUT. WORK IT OUT. WORK IT OUT. WORK IT OUT. WORK IT OUT. WORK IT OUT. WORK IT OUT.”
Or is this still the bridge? The song goes everywhere at all times, so it’s hard to really peg down a verse-chorus, verse-chorus construction. Unconventionalney!
This is the pivotal moment of the track — the final, sweat-drenched call to arms where the entirety of the club drops their glasses, steps atop whatever solid surface they can possibly find and works their asses off.
If you have hair, you flip it. And if you don’t, you better fucking pretend to. WERK.
“Work Bitch” is also the ultimate motivation anthem, suitable for several scenarios.
+ Gymney
“You want a hot body? Look hot in a bikini? You better work bitch.”
Screw Jenny Craig — Brit Brit’s your new personal trainer! Not since the days of Britney’s Dance Beat has The Holy Spearit ever come for your physical fitness so hard. You can eat all the Cheetos and cheesy grits you want, as long as you remember to put in work at the gym (bitch). Do some yoga, run backwards on the treadmill, lift your fingers to the sky — you’ll be getting those “I’m A Slave 4 U” abs in no time.
+ Politicalney
First of all, “Go call the police, go call the governor” is an obvious allusion to the current New York mayoral election.
But aside from being informed on a state level, Brit Brit is also concerned about the economic welfare of our nation: “You better work bitch” is an almighty command, urging us all as a people to pause our For The Record DVDs, climb out of bed and seek employment — perhaps as a DJ, a circus performer, a Phonography professor or even a hypnotherapist. Early predictions suggest that the release of “Work Bitch” alone will bring the unemployment rate down to %0.3, made up exclusively of what American philosopher Amanda Bynes has referred to as “ugly people.”
According to political pundits, President Obama has already submitted “Work Bitch” to be considered as the official theme for Labor Day.
+ LGBT Warriorney
Back in June, Britney tweeted that she was recording a song “4 All My Boys.”
While there were plenty of speculation about the “boys” in question, only one set of boys really fits the bill for a new Britney single: The Gays. “Work Bitch,” of course, is a reference to RuPaul‘s iconic 1992 LGBT anthem “Supermodel (You Better Work).” While there’s no sign of RuPaul’s actual song (apart from her signature catchphrase), “Work Bitch” is a relentless 4-to-the-floor banger, equipped with a searing EDM pulse that bangs against the speakers at the exact rate of a drag queen metronome.
Yet again, the Out Magazine cover story icon is tearing down walls and making inroads toward LGBT equality by bravely championing the community’s universal desire to look hot in a bikini and party in France, rendering similar efforts by lesser pop stars formally irrelevant.
+ Final Verdict
“Work Bitch” is a thrilling, thunderously bold slice of forward-thinking dance-pop. (Props to will.i.am for not sabotaging Britney with a total dud!)
Is it the most melodic tune? No, it’s not — a majority of the track is speak-sung. Nor is it representative of her most personal album ever — but all that good stuff will come sooner than you think. (Oh. I mean, I’m totally just guessing.)
That being said, “Work Bitch” is a massive return to form (not that she was ever deformed), and an unbelievably exciting way to kick off a brand new era (not that she actually needs a “comeback”). It’s deliriously unhinged and completely in control all at the same time. It sounds like both everything and nothing on the radio — it’s an EDM innovation. One of the most exciting pop singles of the year? Um, duh.
“Work Bitch” reaffirms her position on the throne, and proves just why Britney is the best: We have never and will never have to worry about her musical output, because Britney Spears is the most consistent supplier of amazing pop music in the world.
Now get to work, bitch.
“Work Bitch” was released on September 16. (iTunes)