LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK (LAS VEGAS, NV) — GRAMMY Award-winning chanteuse, eos Lip Balm spokeslegend and winner adjacent of the 2000 Emmy for Outstanding Technical Direction, Camerawork, Video Control for a Series for an episode of Saturday Night Live in which she performed Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Goduilera is now expanding her list of seemingly endless achievements with a thrilling new career move.
Today, the “Xtina’s Xmas (Interlude)” songbird was announced as the Executive Producer-Legend on a “soapy hourlong dramedy about Las Vegas entertainers” for ABC Family.
Written by Jake In Progress creator Austin Winsberg, the ABC Family dramedy, tentatively titled Hearts And Clubs, was pursued by multiple networks. It follows a group of Las Vegas entertainers as they fall in and out of love in the ultimate city of Sin. In the vein of Love Actually, the project, produced by Lionsgate TV, intertwines the characters’ relationship dramas, obstacles, and complications. Aguilera is actively involved in the development of the project, which she is executive producing with CAA-repped Winsberg, Kwatinetz, Barry and Matt Rutler.
In an Excluusive phone interview with the LNN, the Bionic songstress revealed to us that the working title of the hour-long dramedy was actually meant to be Besos And Bobbleheads, but the network “simply didn’t get it,” suggesting that the title was simply “too ahead of its time.”
For now, between mommy duties tending to the new Heir To The Throne, Summer Rain Goduilera-Rutler, and recording what is now commonly being referred to by most true lovers of music journalism as The Most Important Return To Music Since Ever, Legend X is putting on her Executive Producer-Legend saucer hat and helping to produce an ode to the tired, forgotten town frying in the desert.
As for the plot, Legendtina revealed that the show will be “literally just Burlesque cut into hour-long segments” and admitted that her creative team is “not really sure what we’re doing once the first two and a half episodes are done.”
But what, or who, would be the inspiration for such a setting?
“You know, I’ve never been there personally,” she explained to the LNN while packing a Legendtinables — her newly launched pre-packaged lunch line for children — for Baby Max, “but I’ve heard that Las Vegas is a place where entertainers go to retire. I’m sure I have plenty of fans there, but I would never go. I couldn’t even SAY! who’s performing there right now. I mean, that would be career suicide, wouldn’t it? The only thing more dated than a Vegas show would be, I don’t know, naming your album after a year in the ’80’s. HA!”
When informed about her former Mickey Mouse Club co-star and friend Britney Spears‘ ongoing Piece Of Me residency in Las Vegas, Her Legend sounded surprised. “Oh, is that what she’s doing? I thought she became a lingerie model in Denmark or something. I really hope it works out for her,” she said before erupting into a lengthy cackle.
When then informed about Spears’ reported $1 million per week cash-in for the gig, a shrill yowl erupted on Legendtina’s end before the connection quickly cut out. Various attempts to contact Legendtina again were unsuccessful.
Hearts And Clubs will debut in 2015.