Why Apple Music Will Win: Lindsay Lohan’s Discography Is Available to Stream

La Lohan’s discography is available on Apple Music. Sorry ’bout it, Spotify.

There’s a whole lot o’ chatter these days about these newfangled streaming services: You’ve got your Pandora. Your Rdio. Spotify. Google Music. That Illuminati propaganda blood pact, TIDAL.

And now, there’s Apple Music.

It’s fairly obvious that Apple Music will ultimately win the streaming war for a number of reasons — brand loyalty, iTunes, those amazing recommended playlists that some genius had to have created — but there’s one reason in particular that sets it apart from the rest of the pack:

The Full Two Album (And One Single) Discography of Miss Lindsay Dee Lohan — aged 29 years as of yesterday, July 2 — is available to stream now in glorious high quality.

For years, the digital world has collectively clamored for the collected works of the “Confessions Of A Broken Heart (Daughter To Father)” chanteuse to be made available for streaming on Spotify. Sure, the music was already available internationally, but who has time to travel to Brazil to hear “Symptoms Of You”? (Just kidding, I most definitely would have time to come to Brazil for that. RT FOR BRAZIL.)

And yes, it’s actually on TIDAL too. But do you really want to make another blood oath to Jay Z?

Now, the wait is finally over for access to “Black Hole” until the very last moment in time.

Taylor Swift can stay dangling 1989 above everyone’s heads while practicing her cursive with those handwritten notes to Apple executives. La Lohan’s Speak, A Little More Personal (Raw) and noted 2008 LGBTQ #mascdomtop/power bottom anthem “Bossy” are freely (for 3 months, anyway) accessible to anyone with access to an Apple device. What’s really the bigger story here?

And while we’re all here, it’s a good time to remember that “To Know Your Name” alone remains better than most pop music released in 2015. #JUSTICEFORLOHAN.


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