Whilst you were on Grindr looking for a white-bearded daddy to slide down your chimney for some NSA stocking stuffer fun this past weekend, the Mighty Aphrodite herself, Miss Kylie Minogue, and The Legendary Miss Britney Spears united in song for a glitteringly gay, fabulously fierce spectacular like no other – at long last!
Err, okay. Maybe not quite.
As part of the BBC’s Even Better Than The Real Thing – a celebrity impersonation Christmas competition that sounds just as absurd as it actually is – “Kylie Minogue” and “Britney Spears” teamed up for a show-stopping superstar performance of Miss Minogue’s iconic, Paula Abdul co-penned “Spinning Around.”
It’s…sort of like the initial panic that surges through your body upon seeing your favorite pop song sitting on top of the iTunes chart, until you realize it’s just a serious-faced singer-songwriter cover version recorded by a “Who?” from The Voice. Or a whiff of that bottle of Fantasy Twist that you bought off the street in Chinatown for $5 that seemed perfectly legit, until you noticed Britney’s name was spelled wrong on the box. Just not quite right.
Despite the fact that the two are sisters in song and LGBT warriordom, always hovering just ever-so-slightly out of each other’s orbits (Kylie rejected “Toxic” for Body Language before it went to Britney to record, did you know?), and despite the fact that they’ve said pleasant things about each another and even agreed to the idea of collaborating at different points in their careers, the two have never linked up in the studio – perhaps because the sound emitted would only be at a frequency audible to homosexuals.
But then, who knows? Britney’s dragging Piece Of Me out for the rest of eternity – Europe, you’re up next this summer – so maybe Kylie will hop on stage for a surprise rendition of “Breathe” into “Breathe On Me” in 2018?
A boy can dream (within a dream). But in reality, we’ll probably just to have to settle for watching drag versions of themselves doing it and make believe. (Hopefully, it’ll be with Tatianna next time.)