In case you haven’t noticed, Britney Spears has completely taken over the world. Again.
Following her launch event in New York City (which I attended and am still actively recovering from), the sensual seductress and enchanting mistress casually jet-setted across Europe every day this week to promote The Intimate Britney Spears, her most personal, feminine and muted color collection of vintage-inspired sleepwear to date.
Let’s now travel abroad (REFERENCE) and see where B landed day to day, shall we?
First up, England.
As a known lover of all things British and internationally renowned English linguist, B-Girl hit up Londontown to promote her line.
Here with Glamour, The Holy Spearit stans for her Buttercup line because of its muted colors, daydreams about Gwen Stefani and Penelope Cruz wearing her line of dresses, encourages the use of self-tanner and eating properly for a hot bod-eh and recommends her Cherry line for a “promiscuous” first date. She is a true lover of one night stands, after all!
She also stans for “Toxic” lewk, as well as a cool new dark brown and beige jacket she just bought. Queen.
On Good Morning Britain, Inclusively led the feminist charge by declaring that the collection was meant for “big, small, medium women — it’s for everyone.”
She also talked Piece Of Me (including the fact that the show was just extended), as well as hopping back in the studio for her forthcoming “on edge, different” artsy-fartsy left lane opus. (Also Nicole Scherzinger apparently turned up at the event to support her at some point, and/or do some subtle Big Fat Lie promo.)
But the best lil’ bit? “I am pretty damn happy right now!” Awwww, B!
Next up was Poland, where B-Girl decided to turn it, turn it up (REFERENCE) with a Scream & Shoutney ponytail.
Accordingly, approximately everyone lost their shit.
In order, the list of people who lose their shit in the video above:
– The announcer
– The crowd
– The gift-bearing host
– The entire country of Poland
Britney was gifted with a Polish sunflower. And seriously, she was not letting that sunflower go.
Even when bodyguard Edan was like “Ugh, still with the flower, B?”
And then, it was time for Germany — and another game-changing get-up. Prepare for…
The Holy Spearit transitioned from #SomethingMorePromiscuous to #SomethingMorePresidential in Oberhausen, giving us the kind of Ready For Change congressional power top realness that simply screams (and shouts) Oval Officeney.
Hillary Clinton who? Mike Huckabee what? It’s Spears/Sabi 2016, bitch.
The Queen discussed her striking new bob, including her desire to cut off her hair during an interview with BUNTE. “It means change, big changes, and being open to those changes,” she sagely proclaimed. (I don’t actually know what it was in reference to, but I’m assuming it was about the hair.)
And speaking of eras involving cutting of hair, THIS HAPPENED:
That’s right: It’s visual confirmation of Britney Signing A Copy Of Blackout, thereby acknowledging its holy existence in physical form. As for why the entire crowd isn’t shaking and bowing down in this moment? Unclear.
Then came Denmark.
Denmark was a Very Big Thing, as Change Lingerie, the official partner for Intimate Britney Spears, is based in Denmark.
Accordingly, the showcase event looked more like A GIANT FUCKING CONCERT OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED ABOUT SLEEPWEAR IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. SLAY ME.
As is customary, Godney was #blessed with a sugary offering during a Danish interview — this time with a Danish strawberry cake. Delishney!
The living legend once again put forth her iconic Feministney desire to make sure women of all sizes do “not feel alone” (#BuyAlienOniTunes) and love themselves more, revealing that she is not always confident, but that her pieces make her feel “sexy and sassy.” (Possible Album 9 title? Let’s circle back.)
She also reveals that the secret to much of her success is a good, grounded team to keep her sane and “create a magnificent world” around her. HUMBLE AND MODEST QUEEN OF POP.
Also, get ready for it…
“I don’t think you need a man in this world anymore. I think you just need yourself, a little love and a bath.”
Meanwhile, your faves remain embarrassing and messily declare themselves to be “not feminists.”
Also, 2001ney came out to play when B-Girl left her hotel. Like…
HOLY FUCKING HOTNEY GODNEY.
And finally, there was Norway — adding a little bit of a (Fantasy) Twist to her cute cropped ‘do.
“Oh my Gosh! Let’s tweet that out!”
And here is the tall drink of water known as The Norwegian Giant, who Britney absolutely loved.
Seriously, B was very impressed with his height.
She also talked about whether she knows Nico & Vinz or Ylvis‘ “The Fox” (“no”), her vintage, feminine, sexy and muted color line, the pressures of perfection for young girls, prayer, believing in God (see also: Britney Jean‘s “Hold On Tight”) and keeping good girlfriends — and lingerie, of course.
And there you have it: Britney’s most iconic press tour in ages — more thrilling than both the Britney Jean and Femme Fatale eras combined — looking and sounding the most happy and alive she’s been in ages.
Our girl is truly back and better than ever. Bring on the new era!
And, as always, we remain deeply unworthy.