It’s hard to believe that Britain’s massively successful, ruthlessly campy talent show X Factor could ever get gayer than it already is.
Tonight however, the rainbow-coloured piñata that is the X Factor has truly been burst wide open, as gay idols Janet Jackson and Mademoiselle Gaga took to the stage and/or personal bathtubs to perform their latest hit* singles, leaving traces of glitter in every nook and cranny of the studio, including Simon Cowell‘s quiff.
*Only one of the two is an actual hit.
Decked out in a suit and sneakers combo, Janet wiped the floor for a questionably live, unquestionably fantastic performance of 2001 hit “All For You” and current single, “Make Me.” Cue the “She’s over 40, and still dancing like she’s 20!” comments. Cue the “Madonna did it better!” responses. Cue in-fighting and caps lock-riddled flurries of falsified record sales numbers and chart positions for the next three days, etc. etc. etc.
Anyway, it was perfect. My only complaint about the performance: Too much panning out! She looked fierce as all hell when we were treated to a close-up, so why were the cameras busy swinging around the studio?
Meanwhile, Gaga and her Bath of Haus (Or is it Haus of Bath?) charmed the audience with a rousing rendition of her current masterpiece, “Bad Romance.”
Having already hooked the gays, the hipsters, and the frog enthusiasts (although PETA remains dubious), Gaga is now clearly making headway into capitalizing upon a new gaggle of fans: Manga lovers. Oh, what? Did you honestly think those geometric sleeves and metal goblin ears slip by us, Gaga? Someone’s got to put a stop to your shameless pandering.
After the show, Jackson and Gaga were briefly spotted dancing in their dressing rooms together before sitting down to trade teacups and share a large, heaping bowl of Spotted Dick.