So “Promise This,” the malaria-infused single from Cheryl Cole‘s upcoming sophomore album debuted today on Radio 1, and um…
Well, it’s a mess it what it is.
You’ve got French children’s songs flying around like mad, hyper-speed electronica bursting in from all directions, and an emotional chorus about death that comes out of nowhere. Also, what in the fuck is going on during that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it bridge?
While the tempo of “Promise This” lends itself to being something danceable, the lackluster, slap-happy beat surely doesn’t, which means if you hear this one out in da club, you’re going to do that awkward happy-knees-while-standing bouncy dance that comes with songs of this nature.
On a semi-related note, there’s literally no way that this song’s remixes will be good.
Let’s face it: “Promise This” is insane, Cheryl. You do know that, right? Maybe I’ll learn to love. Maybe.
The Sophie Muller-directed video looks stunning judging by the few promo shots that were unveiled today, to be fair.
Somewhere, an Irish woman cackles manically at her computer while Googling the word “Unsayshubull.”