Meet hotly tipped up-and-coming pop icon, Carishma.
Unfamiliar? Well, maybe that’s because you’re LIVING UNDER A FUCKING ROCK.
Or perhaps you’re just not a 12-year-old girl, Carishma’s target demographic, as demonstrated in her latest celebrity endorsement: Snap On Feathers, the hot, sexy, fun way for cool and popular girls to get that freshly-plucked feather look.
FINALLY: No more sneaking into your father’s pistol cabinet while he’s out at work (why does he have so many guns though? THIS IS AMERICA, THAT’S FUCKING WHY), shooting down the robin’s nest tucked away in that tree out back, plucking at the wings of your newly fallen prey and running the bloodied blue feathers through your hair.
Not only does the commercial feature the musical stylings of the 21-year-old chanteuse, but a brief snippet of the singer performing her “breakout hit” on what appears to be a replica of the sound-stage from Nickelodeon’s ’90’s smash TV series All That, featuring some rather slay-worthy choreography in a sparkly one-piece bathing suit that bring a whole new definition to the term “your faves could never.”
As for the song itself, “Glow In The Dark,” which was produced by Darkchild, is a utterly shameless rip-off of Britney‘s Femme Fatale bonus track, “He About To Lose Me” which was–you guessed it–produced by Darkchild. Like, completely: From the opening guitar strum, to the song structure, to–well, everything, it’s literally the same song with a slightly spruced-up chorus and no Brit Brit involved. $UCCE$$!
But just in case you thought Queen Carishmatic was trying to pull a fast one on the general listening audience, think again: She fully acknowledges this fact! Like, often! She just doesn’t seem to give1curr about the whole thing which, if you think about it, is kind of amazing: It’s sort of like if Lady Gaga‘s official response to the “Born This Way” similarities to Madonna‘s “Express Yourself” was “Oh yes, you’re right! What of it?” rather than bursting into tears and reciting a monologue about art and truth and beauty.
In conclusion: Carishma is like Lady Gaga, but better.
Many thanks to Muuser Chris S. for the find!
“Glow In The Dark” was released on September 19. (iTunes)