Last night, Madonna performed at Super Bowl XLVI. It was, according to my calculations, quite literally everything.
There was an almighty entrance, flips on top of bleachers, head straddling, a weird acrobatic Grecian (or something), pom poms, a marching band, millions of dancers, insane floor projeftctions, glamorous Givenchy costumes, Cee-Lo Green, LMFAO, Nicki Minaj, M.I.A–even God made a brief cameo at some point.
While there were countless amazing moments during Madonna’s performance last night, I selected
12 13 of my favorites to highlight.
Luckily, my friend Matt Cherette captured some of these moments in GIF form (my favorite form of communication, second only to carrier pigeons) for Buzzfeed, which I’ve used below. Be sure to check out his full collection!
1.) That opening.
This word is overused, yet there’s no other word is more suitable or appropriate to describe that entrance: Epic.
The crown. The throne. That cape. The poses. Cleopatra. “Vogue.” That opening sequence is Madonna’s most awe-inspiring moment in years. And all at once, The Queen returns once again.
Was it a little Mighty Aphrodite Kylie with the whole being pulled in on a chariot by muscly man slaves? Yes, very much. (Which is surprising, as you’d think Camp Madonna would be close enough to Camp Kylie to notice the similarities.) But it’s fine–Madonna’s was Egyptian, Kylie’s was Grecian, and their performance styles are entirely different anyway. (Like, say, the mid-air splits and such.)
2.) You’re such a plucking lyre, Madonna.
She plucks our heartstrings, and a dulcet tune is sounded.
3.) UH, UH.
Following a quick OH-MY-GOD-SHE’S-FALLING-just-kidding-no-she’s-not teeter totter on the top bleacher during “Music,” Madonna whips up this awkward move that simply will not quit being amazing.
4.) Look away, Lourdes. LOOK AWAY.
Madonna delivers a series of mind-blowing flips and cartwheels across the bleachers before providing an erotic glimpse into the nightly bedroom exercises with Brahim. Now that’s what I call giving head! (Too far? Too bad!)
5.) Cue aggressive crotch smashing!
A Richard Simmons-lookalike randomly pays a visit onstage dressed as Cupid (or something) and begins flopping up and down on a wire. We’re all very alarmed and concerned, but at least Madonna’s doing that amazing lunge-y thing that she does in the background.
6.) Little Bunny RedFoo…
Madonna straddles something called a “RedFoo,” because…well, why not?
7.) Erryday I’m shufflin’!
What I dreaded most about the performance actually became a highlight: LMFAO and Madonna doing their high-energy silly feet jig together? I’M HAVING FUN!
8.) Bun in the oven.
Mizz Minaj churns some butter during her verse. I’m oddly aroused.
9.) Wait for it, wait for it…NATIONAL CONTROVERSY.
The country gets as butthurt about a middle finger as they did about an exposed nipple 8 years ago. Who says we haven’t progressed as a nation?! At least there’s more buzz for MDNA’s performance…thanks M.I.A.!
10.) Football sucks (into space.)
The magnitude of the opening choir in “Like A Prayer” causes the football field to be SUCKED UP INTO A VORTEX, leaving Madonna’s disciples to come gliding in on stars. The most astonishing projection of the night by far.
11.) She’s down on her knees…
Madonna takes us to church with an unbelievably amazing rendition of “Like A Prayer.”
12.) OK, BAI THO.
Madonna disappears into a stream of smoke like the ALMIGHTY GODDESS THAT SHE IS. The haters stay mad, the lovers are forever slayed, and your favorites are off weeping in a corner.
13.) That one time Madonna created world peace.
The lion sleeps with the lamb and the Madonna sleeps with the Brahim and there shall be war no more: Middle East crisis? Officially solved! North Korean tensions? Totes dunzo! THE POWER OF MADONNA.
Madonna, Queen of Everything.