SIT DOWN, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CEASE ALL OF YOUR BODILY PROCESSES BECAUSE QUITE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE MATTERS RIGHT NOW.
In an effort to pull us out from under (REFERENCE) the basic, reductive heaps of sub-par pop we’ve had to endure over the past Brit-less year, the Sensual Seductress, the Enchanting Mistress, the Legendary Miss Britney Spears has briefly stepped away from her throne at the judge’s table on X Factor to smite lessers, break the ice and snatch all wigs with a feature on will.i.am‘s upcoming single–her first feature on an official single, ever.
(And yes, Brit devotees–it’s really the first one. The “S&M” collaboration with Rihanna is considered a remix, and “Crazy,” the collaboration with professional flop Kevin Federline wasn’t a single, nor was it something that we should ever remember in our lives again. Ever. What marriage?)
This afternoon, the Pop Princess-turned-Queen of Pop released a not-at-all confusing set of tweets, at first acknowledging that she was in the studio with will.i.am today. She also plugged his no1curr promotional track “Reach For The Stars,” which will be beamed from space or whatever by Brit’s current BFF, the Curiosity Rover. According to NASA, the premiere is essential for determining whether or not an intelligent alien race exists on Mars as, upon hearing the track, the entire population will promptly hop into their titanium-plated spacecrafts with their skin-melting saliva and a full arsenal of weaponry to slaughter all of Earth’s citizens in revenge. Thanks, Will!
From her Twitter:
Just left the studio w/ @iamwill working #willpower. Look out 4 #reachforthestars beamed 2 earth from mars tmrw via my friend @MarsCuriosity
Then, much, much, much more importantly, the Holy Spearit announced something else: Will’s NEXT single (reportedly titled “Sexy Sexy”) will feature her very own inimitable, free-of-flaw vocals.
If you’d all refer to the Hymn 8:1 of Femme Fatale in the Book of Godney, you’ll know that the two previously collaborated on the almighty bass-and-treble face-off, “Big Fat Bass.” And now, the bass is only continuing to get BIG-GAH.
From her Twitter:
Can’t wait for y’all to hear @iamwill’s next single featuring me. Coming very soon. Stay tuned people….
New Britney: It’s not just a dream (within a dream) anymore. It’s real. It’s actual. And it’s coming very soon.
Are you ready for the greatest song of 2012?
2012: YEAR OF THE SEXY SEXY.