LISTEN UP 5’S, A 10 IS SINGING.
Last night, Almighty Queen Kelegendary Clarkslay took to the stage of American Idol Season 6,373 to perform her already iconic anthem dedicated to the misfits, outcasts and/or power bottoms of the world, “People Like Us.”
But first: THAT. INTRO. The original Idol audition back in 2002. Brian Dunkleman. “A WAITRESS FROM BURLESON, TEXAS.” The albums. The songs. THE ABUNDANT AWARDS AND RECORDS. Mariah Carey softly petting her heavenly weave sewn in by the hands of angels. Ryan Seacrest quickly thawing from his cryogenic sleep to introduce Queen Clarkson to the stage.
The performance hasn’t even begun yet, and I’m already crying ALL of the tears.
What does one say, exactly, about a Kelly Clarkson performance that can’t be said about any other? There were no flaws. Well, okay, she briefly missed the train during the sort-of-mumbly spoken word intro (REFERENCE), but she quickly made it up for it once the actual song kicked in, so…NO FLAWS.
This time, however, ’twas truly fluorescent flawlessness: Everyone was all painted in DayGlo! So colorful and vivid! LIKE OUR DIVERSE WORLD. DO YOU SEE WHAT KELLY CLARKSON DID THERE?
The vocals? Amazing. The dress? Amazing. The glow sticks? Amazing. The fist-in-the-air? Amazing. The engagement ring? Amazing.
The only downside of this performance? Gurl, there is quite literally a #PLU hashtag ON YOUR ARM. Wash that shit off! You are not a trending topic—you are the Original Idol. YOU WROTE “BECAUSE OF YOU.” You don’t need to be a walking Twitter feed!
Regardless— job well done, Queen Clarkson! Now, go finish up that new album.
“People Like Us” was released on Greatest Hits — Chapter One in November. (iTunes)