music-billboard-awards-2013-pitbull-christina-aguilera

LAS VEGAS, NV (LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK) – “Pero Me Acuerdo de Ti” songstress, Queen of Lotuses and modern society’s more talented and attractive answer to Jesus Christ, Legendtina Goduilera, reigned supreme at the 2013 Billboard Music Awards last night, unleashing a jaw-dropping performance of “Feel This Moment” with Latino bar mitzvah party songsmith, Pitbull.

Following a mercifully brief introduction by the bald musical terrorist, the iconic chanteuse rose up onto the stage in a stunning Versace top and Herve Leger skirt, revealing her svelte new “Hoy Tengo Ganas De Ti” figure and dazzling the crowd with copious amounts of signature microphone finger-tapping, complex handography and roaring, full-bodied belly notes previously thought to be physically unattainable by human vocal cords.

Later on, the duo was joined by A-Ha lead Morten Harket for a rousing 12 second performance of “Take On Me,” a 1985 song said to be inspired by “Feel This Moment.” Following her show-stealing performance, Legendtina told us she was “very happy” to work with the A-Ha lead, noting: “Morgan Harlot’s been a fan of mine for years.”

Lesser pop princesses, including Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber, were seen shaking and crying wildly in the audience while watching the seasoned veteran perform.

Sadly, not everyone was feeling the moment: A fellow singer, who asked to remain anonymous and who recently headlined the Super Bowl halftime show in February, called into the Legendtina News Network to hurl baseless accusations following the performance: “That bitch was performing to playback,” she declared, while her husband Jay-Z shouted along in the background. “Legendtina? More like Lipsynctina! Here I thought she was a grown woman. Also, I’m pregnant.”

After a thorough investigation led by the Legendtina News Network’s own Legendtina, the Legendtina News Network can safely conclude that the accusations were, in fact, false. Unsurprisingly, the “Sing For Me” songstress was the only performer of the night who sang live.

On an unrelated note, a Billboard Music Awards sound engineer was found unconscious in the bathroom of the nearby Palms Casino, lying face down in a puddle of glitter and blue goo. A copy of Bionic was also found nearby.

Lotus is now available on iTunes.