Madonna, Queen of Pop (and B-Day Girl), is wearing a grill. And she refuses to implement the Power of Good-Bye.
It started — as we all assumed — as a joke of some sort on Instagram. “Ha!” we delighted ignorantly. “A grill! How silly.”
Then, it kept happening. “It’s an homage to Dita!” we nervously reasoned. “Erotica 2.0!”
But it just kept popping up. Again and again. “How urban,” Britney noted while scrolling through Instagram and pouring some Christmas-scented potpourri into a bowl in her home.
She went paintballing with Brahim and the children in the South of France. With a grill.
And as recently as yesterday, she showed up to the opening of Hard Candy Fitness in Rome — with the fucking grill.
Unless there’s a sequel to 2008’s Hard Candy in the works or #SecretProject was actually just an elaborate way of doing some #SecretDentalWork, this must be put to an end at once before it becomes frozen (REFERENCE) on her face forever.
Perhaps it’s just a cruel joke by Lourdes (“Seriously, all the cool moms are doing it!”), or an inventive way to restrict herself from ingesting anything other than a liquified blend of fig, kale and virgin blood. Maybe it’s a knee-jerk reaction to Miley Cyrus‘ general being. Either way, it is wrong, it is cruel and it is hurtful.
DEFEND MADONNA’S MOUTH.