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Sure, it might three well educated Swahili-to-Korean-to-Urdu-to-English translators to understand any of her fabulously baffling tweets, but the ever-iconic Cher makes complete sense in longform.

This afternoon, Cher participated in a Reddit Ask Me Anything Q&A session as part of her current Closer To The Truth promo campaign. The results were (unsurprisingly) brilliant, as fans asked about her new album, her tour, her personal life, her thoughts on Madonna (“WTF is MDNA” 4ever), seeing the ghost of Sonny — and a fairly substantial amount of self-advice questions for the all-knowing “Believe” songstress.

Below are some of the more particularly inspiring, refreshingly hilarious highlights from the session with Cher.

VIVA LA CHER.

do you still hate madonna?

Madge, no. Actually I don’t. I never hated her, I just thought she was a bitch. Actually I quite respect her.

Actually I think Madge might be one of the most amazing artists I’ve known. I don’t like everything she does, for sure, but she is always riding the crest of the wave. She always saw trends WAY before anyone else, and had great videos.

So, besides saying “WTF if MDNA”, I’m fine with it.

What’s the most important thing you’ve learned in life?

Don’t sweat the small stuff. And my mother’s advice, if it doesn’t matter in five years, it doesn’t matter. Try to do better tomorrow. Those are the things I know.

Did you know that when I saw you performing “You haven’t seen the last of me”, I quit anti-depression pills? I was 17. Just thank you, Cher.

Well, that’s more than you can ever hope for. That makes me really really happy. I’m flabbergasted. That’s the second time I’ve used that word in the last day and I haven’t used it in 25 years. When you sing a song, you never think it’s going to have anything close to that type of reaction.

That song really has a hold on me. I’ve said this before but it really sums up my whole life in this business.

Your support of the GLBT community is amazing, and I have always felt a connection to you and your music despite being told that I was too young to be a fan of your music in middle school. What was your reaction, as a parent, to having a transgender child? What can other parents do to support their children who identify as transgender or as members of the GLBT community in general? Thank you for taking the time to answer questions! You are an inspiration : )

Well – I’m not sure if it’s scary to all parents. What I’ve realized, just lately, in the beginning I think I was afraid of losing a child before I got the new one. Of losing the old one before I got the new one. But we have such a great time now, and I realize that there is no loss. In the beginning, you’re just not sure. As parents, it’s a little bit scary. Maybe, what people need to do is just CHILL and not be frightened. It’s not all about you, or it wasn’t about me.

why don’t you ride your motorcycle anymore? your old but not old enough to stop riding.

The real reason is because the paparazzi won’t leave me alone and they almost caused me to crash.

What happened to The Greatest Thing with you and Lady Gaga?

She didn’t like it. Actually, we should have been in the same room. It could have been better, if we’d worked on it more, it could have been good enough to put out. I think it’s a really great song, I love the song, and I’m extremely sorry that it didn’t come out. I’m sorry that the idiot who leaked it leaked the wrong version. I’d never even heard that version.

Hi Cher! If you had to pick one other artist to do a duet with, who would it be?

Bruno Mars. Or P!nk. Or if he was really, really good, Blake Shelton !

Do you have any regrets?

Of course I do. You can’t really dwell them on them because you just become paralyzed. YOu have to go on and resolve to do better. Just beating up on yourself doesn’t do you any good or I’d be black and blue. It’s not a Buddhist way to do things. You have to be kind to yourself in order to be a better person for everyone else.

Will you marry me? I think it would be a great marriage! I’m gay, so we could totally go shopping together, scope out hot men, cheat on each other and still be able to come home at night to talk about it, then just cuddle! Haha. Hopefully this gave you a good laugh.

It’s funny. Depends on what your shoe size is!!

What’s your favorite story involving you being a Christ-like figure to the gay community?
Edit: Also, praise be unto you.

Oh my god there are so many. I can’t pick just one. I’m gay catnip.

Hey Cher! What’s the question you have been asked most, and do you want to be asked about?

The question I’m asked most is “Do I believe in life after love?”, and if no one ever asks me that again, I’d be a happy camper.

Hi Cher! A friend asked me to ask you if you were afraid of ghosts! Are you?

Absolutely not!!! I love ghosts. I actually think that Sonny makes a light go on. I have a beautiful chandelier that he makes the light go on when it is impossible, there is no power on. I love ghosts, I prefer ghosts to some people.

Hello Cher, my queen. Who were your biggest inspirations when you started in music and who are your biggest inspirations now?

Well, Elvis was really my biggest inspiration, because my voice was so not girly (first record I put out was called Ringo, I love you, and they wouldn’t play it because they thought I was a guy). He was the only artist I could really identify with. Now, I’m inspired by the creativity of young artists today, some young artists today. I just find it fascinating that they don’t have to fight to be who they are.

When I was young we got beaten up for looking the way we looked. No one even dared to look different. The Beatles had nice hair cuts and were in suits. The Stones were kind of on the fringe.

Do you still not know how to order pizza? Do you make Kathleen’s people order pizza for you?

Oh gosh, well, I know how to do other things. Kathleen can’t do it either! But I can run around in high heels for two hours being adorable.

100(ish) years old..and still rocking and looking like you’re in your 30s!! Can’t wait for the tour… what’s the setlist looking like? hints?

Sure, after two hours of hair and makeup!!!

I want to put new songs, but I know people want to hear old songs. I know that because when I go to a concert you want to hear the songs you love. Also it will make the show better if some of it is new for me. When you have been doing this for 99.99 years you have to have something fresh.

honestly, when is the last time that you seriously think you were relevant?

Hmmmm. Tomorrow.

what do you love the most about your CherCrew? :)

Just that they are SO supportive of me and have been since the beginning and they are so supportive of each other which I really appreciate. Bye reddit! It was great. I’ll be back. Like MacArthur, I shall return

Ending on a World War II reference. Legend.

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Closer To The Truth was released on September 24. (iTunes)