LITERALLY STOP YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND GET TO WORK BITCH BECAUSE NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.
The Legendary Miss Britney Spears has just revealed the album cover for her eighth studio album, Britney Jean, out on December 3.
As one can plainly see, the album cover is (A) objectively perfect, (B) entirely free of flaw and (C) already iconic. It is the epitome of Personalney, Adultney and Living Legendney. But let us now take a deep dive into the Spearitual references.
2005’s Allure photo shoot
2011’s Out Magazine LGBT Warrior photo shoot
2013’s “Work Bitch” music video neon lights
Britney’s signature heart (as seen in the packaging for Believe)
And speaking of flawless fragrances, the Holy Spearit’s Sia-penned power ballad and “big career song” “Perfume” is officially coming out — on November 5, to be exact.
AND THAT’S NOT EVEN EVERYTHING.
In a move not seen since the days of 2006 (a la “Remembrance of Who I Am”), the Sensual Seductress and Enchanting Mistress took to her official website to post an OPEN LETTER to fans (“Dear fans” — an homage to Legendtina, no doubt) — a handwritten note of Spearitual scribblings, for which we are all deeply, deeply unworthy.
I haven’t sat down to write you guys in SUCH a long time. Long overdue! We’re all so used to getting our thoughts out in 140 characters, but sometimes its nice to take time to sit down and write something a little longer and more personal.
I have been through a lot in the past few years and it has really inspired me to dig deeper and write songs that I think everyone can relate to. Working with people like Sia, William Orbit, and of course Will.i.am has been an amazing experience.
I want to show you the different sides of Britney Spears. I am a performer. I am a Mom. I am funny. I am your friend! I am Britney Jean.
(She left out “I am a legend, I’m like the ringleader, I’m not a girl, not yet a woman, I’m the original doll and I am the Femme Fatale and I am the bubble-ah” but that’s fine.)
I just. I don’t. I can’t. There are no words to properly explain this moment — only the sweet lingering scent of Midnight Fantasy.
DECEMBER 2013: THE HOLY SPEARIT RETURNS.
Britney Jean will be released on December 3. (iTunes)