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Mariah Carey Announces New Single And Album Via Insane, Fact-Filled Teaser Video

mariah-youre-mine

Almighty Reigning Queen Diva Of The Universe Mariah “Mimi” Carey is really feeling herself this Valentine’s Day.

First, there was that insane Valentine’s Day contest, in which you and the Lambily member in your life could enter to win a private in-house performance at Mimi’s mansion.

And now, there’s this: The announcement of “You’re Mine (Eternal),” the follow-up to Mimi’s non-single single “The Art Of Letting Go,” which is due out on February 12. (Alternatively, “The Art Of Snatching Saint Valentine’s Wig.”)

To help announce the already iconic anthem, the Imperfect Angel released a two-minute teaser video containing performance footage and music — no, not the new single, but rather “We Belong Together” — complimented by quick Powerpoint WordArt captions of roughly 45,000 accomplishments in a row (“5 GRAMMY AWARDS,” “ONE SWEET DAY – BILLBOARD SONG OF THE DECADE”) and flashes of Billboard charts to solidify her status as one of the industry’s most decorated and humble divas.

Best is when the accomplishments just spiral into plain ol’ stan speak, including “LEGENDARY” and “ICON” — and my personal favorite: “5 OCTAVE RANGE.” Missing, however, are “I DON’T KNOW HER” and “I DIDN’T KNOW SHE SANG, I THOUGHT SHE RAPPED OR WHATEVER.”

And that’s not all: At the end of the clip, #THEDIVA reveals that the long-awaited, long-delayed new album is coming May 6.

Rejoice, Lambs — it’s going to be the most festive Valentine’s Day yet, dahhhhhlings.

“You’re Mine (Eternal)” will be released on February 12. (iTunes)