Princess Cheryl Cole — street dance legend, flood survivor and eternal Girls Aloud starlet — is back with a brand new single this summer: It’s called “Crazy Stupid Love,” and well…it’s just not very good. It’s not! At all. Every day, it grows a little worse, in fact. The production is unpolished and demo-like, the vocals are flat, the trend-hopping horns are a total snooze…it just does not and will not amount to much of anything in the long run, just like your guidance counselor said about you that one time.

That being said, the song is still a gateway to the real prize: A Cheryl Cole Video.

A Cheryl Cole Video — no matter the song it supports — is scientifically proven to always be a good thing, and this one is certainly no exception.

Much like her speaker-blasting L’Oreal Paris Feria advert, the “Crazy Stupid Love” video is chock full of sleek shots of Chezza’s hot bodeh (those abs put Tom Daley to shame), as she busts a move, flips her hair and gets drunk in love in a room full of strangers (and Tinie Tempah) who are all just excited to be there.

Like “Call My Name,” there’s an extended #dramatic introduction, as Cheryl struts her stuff into the creepy warehouse, but no full back-bend against the wall. (And worse, no Marquis de Sade quote.)

Cheryl’s also supplied us with tons of memorable moves, from the “Fight For This Love” salute to the “Call My Name” calling of the name to the “Ghetto Baby” double sex-crab. The most iconic move of all in “Crazy Stupid Love”?

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The Casual Booty Bump.

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I’m sorry, what? My rump is shaking?

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I honestly didn’t notice. Too busy staring into your eyes.

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You were saying?

Sure, the video plays like it’s been synced with the wrong song, but if you play this remix while you’re watching, it all feels right. (Shame about the song, seriously.)

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VIVA LA CHEZZA.