LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK (New York, NY) — German Duftstars Female Lifestyle Fragrance Award-winning perfumer, proud mother of Baby Max and future Queen Of Pop Summer Rain, and Original Inventor Of Jazz [reference needed] Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Goduilera has announced a brand new addition to her iconic line of fragrances.

Woman, the Bionic feminist’s newest scent, is a delicious and advanced blend of intoxicating smells that embody “true femininity, and the essence of one’s inner unbreakable flower.” It is a sensual, joyful and girlish scent, containing top notes of lotus flower, champagne and Sargento 4-Cheese Mexican blend, with subtler notes of iron oxide extracted from a tube of Blu-Red LipSense lipstick, said to provide the sensation of “feeling this moment.”

“As you know, I’m all about my girls! I know what a girl wants, and what a girl needs,” Legendtina screamed into the phone in an Excluusive interview above the dulcet sound of Summer Rain’s home vocal training lessons. “We’re running the show, we’re teasing all the boys on the go, and we’re charging $59 to smell like a slightly above average-wage prostitute. I’m sure someone like Molly Cyrus would be interested in investing in a few bottles — HA!

Leading LNN fragrance experts have already forecasted Woman to be the #1 selling fragrance of 2014 [reference needed], but is the Legend herself concerned about the rapidly overcrowded fragrance market thanks to endorsements from lesser starlets, like Lady Gaga‘s upcoming Eau de Gaga?

“I don’t know if it is a man or a woman. But what I do know that this,” she exclaimed, holding up a bottle and shaking it violently, “this is a woman.”

The fragrance, along with the forthcoming “Can’t Hold Us Down” remix edition, will be available in stores this fall.