LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK (New York, NY) — GRAMMY Award-winning Latina songstress, “Can’t Hold Us Down” women’s rights warrior, former employee of Mickey Mouse and true lover of natural birth cakes Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Goduilera is going “caviar ratchet” on her forthcoming follow-up to Lotus, which is considered by most respected members of the media to be the saving grace of the music industry in 2015.

In a new interview with Legendtina fan blog Rap-Up, production duo Da Internz detailed their work with the iconic “Bobblehead” songstress, who they rightfully declare “a living legend.” According to the producers, the Back To Basics goddess is creating “upper echelon music with ratchet hood drums.” They further intriguingly described the sound as “14K caviar ratchet serving with three fingertips.”

Although the Legend herself could not be reached by phone by the LNN to confirm the sound of her forthcoming Lotus follow-up, she did respond to a text: “That is true, although I don’t fraternize with interns, so I’m not sure how they’re getting that information. And just three fingers? You can tell them to spin around in circles on my middle finger. HA!”

“‘Caviar ratchet’ is an advanced genre I’ve developed in the past few months,” she continued in a second text, “which will be appreciated by future generations for years. It’s ahead of its time, and entirely impossible to describe.” When we asked whether this sound was informed by the success of problematic Australian rapper Iggy Azalea‘s urban-pop ode to decadence “Fancy,” the text typing bubble popped up, then quickly went away.

A third and final text arrived hours later: “All I can SAY! is get hungry, fans. I know I am,” adding the fork and knife emoji, the wine glass emoji and a red lips emoji for further emphasis, as well as this stunning Excluusive promotional photo.


Prepare for Caviar Ratchetina, fans.