The almighty week-long celebration of Her Madgesty’s general existence continues on The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
After Madonna performed “Living For Love” alongside our favorite voguing Japanese dancing duo and talked dating 22-year-olds and walkers — sorry, Zimmer frames — with Ellen yesterday, she’s returned today to sit next to man-boy Justin Bieber (while wearing a thoroughly incredible #JoanOfArcPromo outfit) and play a little game. And fuck the formalities: M-Dolla has a M-assive hard-on for The Biebs!
Kicking off with some casual flirtatious shade (“What’s up with the sheriff’s outfit”?), M took one look at Bieber’s body shop in a shirtless photo from his Men’s Health spread and #unapologetically decided she was more than ready to let him polish her headlights. Will these two #RebelHearts make #UnapologeticBabies together? Don’t tell Zeddlena!
Of course, good ol’ Erotica mistress Dita came out in full force once Ellen handed out the game paddles for a round of Never Have I Ever. “Can we spank each other with them?” Lady M inquired. Note Justin’s face: That is the face of pure terror from an innocent.
“Where are Ü now that I need you?” – Justin Bieber to his security team in between commercial breaks.
Of course, Madge has done almost everything in this world at least twice, so it wasn’t surprising to see that she’s done everything from use someone else’s toothbrush to bumping uglies with multiple people in the same time. Meanwhile, Biebs looks scandalized by the mere mention of “phone sex” — although he has apparently dated someone and their sibling. And the two superstars have both forgotten the name of the people they’re fooling with! Hey, a D’s a D, right JB?
And then, things got serious: Madonna whipped up her first-ever live performance of her soul-baring Rebel Heart ballad, “Joan Of Arc” — a favorite from the record. And it was great! Really great. Super vulnerable, super emotional…and that chilly guitar finish was a wonderful surprise.
Remember: Madonna hasn’t really performed a proper ballad on American TV in forever — at least more than a decade. So to see her in action pouring her heart out like this again? A beautiful sight and sound, truly.
Watch Madonna teach Bieber a lesson in sexology, then watch her break down with “Joan Of Arc.”