Oh Honey, Cher Is Coming For All Our Gay Asses With This ABBA Album

The Almighty Cher – Believer, Gypsy, Tramp, Thief and Co-Founder of Auto-Tune and Planet Earth – recorded an ABBA covers album after getting inspired by her Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again! “Fernando” moment, and it’s coming. Very soon.

“Wait,” you might be thinking aloud as you pose in the mirror for a nude selfie. “But wouldn’t that rip a hole in the gay time-space continuum?”

Yes. Yes it fucking will, Chad. And no one will be safe.

Fuck a gay bomb: this unquestionably, unstoppably queer compilation is about to fling the very concept of gender and the supposed laws of sexual attraction into permanent disarray. Forever.

Ahead of the album’s forthcoming release in September, Cher just teased a tidbit of the lead single – her cover of “Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)” – on Wednesday (August 8).

GAY PANIC.

Judging by just a few short seconds of that immediately recognizable, heaven-sent Swede-pop beat, accompanied by that immediately recognizable voice, it’s going to be nothing short of Gay (ABBA) Gold™.

And as we all already know, the classic ABBA track also provided the thumping pulse to Madonna‘s own iconic 2005 Confessions On A Dance Floor anthem, “Hung Up.” (Cher might not actually know about that, though. WTF is MDNA?)

The only thing better than Cher’s version, of course, will be the inevitable mash-up with “Hung Up,” which will be the thing that finally ends me once and for all.

While we wait for the full song to drop, have a look at the track list Cher teased a few weeks ago, and listen to her “Fernando” cover below.

The Chervolution is upon us. Follow this, you bitches.

Photo credit: Warner Bros. Records