Don’t call the search crews out just yet everyone, I have returned. I’ve moved back into my college dorm. Naturally, I’m making the most out of my first day back by staying locked in my cold, dark room, browsing the music blogs and checking the gossip forums for any new juicy tidbits.

I’m just kidding. I have the lights on.

So what have I come up with in my Internet journey? Not much. The biggest news is that Christina Aguilera pushed out a Max Liron Bratman from her Lady Marmalade yesterday. Yes, I know it’s the name of her child. But doesn’t it sound more like a little Kosher beef weiner? The name “Max” stands for “greatest” in Hebrew, and “Liron,” for “my song.” Being the good Jewish boy that I am, I had absolutely no guess as to the meaning of either of those words. Instead, I relied upon Perez‘s inevitably incorrect translation. Put them together, and Max Liron means “my greatest song.” I won’t dispute that; I can’t think of a Christina Aguilera song that would be considered great. Or good. Or tolerable. I kid. A little. Congratulations!

OH, and I found the new single by U.K. hip-hop artist, Estelle, featuring modest rapper, Kanye West. Bouncing merrily around a minimal, buzzing electro-beat, Estelle goes simply goo-goo about the lavish American lifestyle. What can I say? We’re just an elitist bunch of fancy pants. Most times during the song, I think that Kanye and Estelle are just engaging in a conversation, and the microphone just happened to be recording at the time. Give it a go here:

DL: Estelle ft. Kanye West – American Boy

That’s kind of it. There were some pictures of celebrities looking awful and music that didn’t matter. Tomorrow is the big snowstorm here in the Northeast, so I’ll inevitably be forced to update in nauseating frequency.

Anytits, I bought a crisp 12″ vinyl copy of Barbra Streisand’s soundtrack to “Yentl” for a mere 99 cents at the local Goodwill, and I’m simply bursting with enthusiasm to hide it in the pillows of unsuspecting friends returning back to campus.

And you, what do you think?