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A Series of Offensive Events: How Timbaland, David Guetta, Pitbull and Will.I.Am Joined Forces to Create The Year’s Most Astounding Moment in Misogyny

Earlier this afternoon, I received a press release announcing the upcoming return of Timbaland: “Timbaland Debuts Single In Provacative Video for Raphael Mazzucco!”

Tempted by both the question of what Timbaland would be working on in these post-RedOne dark days of radio, as well as what could possibly be contained in the (amusingly misspelled) ‘provacative video,’ I inquired within. And oh, how glad I am that I did.

At the risk of being accused of laziness, I’ve–err, lazily bullet-pointed the most crucial items at hand:

Timbaland is releasing a single called “Pass At Me.”

• The single features David Guetta. And Pitbull.

• The single is being used in “the provocative (NSFW) video trailer” for Culo, a photobook shot by Canadian fashion photographer Raphael Mazzucco (a frequent hire for Sports Illustrated‘s Swimsuit Issues, as well as a Victoria’s Secret coffee table book), in which “the bottom (or culo in Italian) is the new epicenter of female sexuality, desire, and empowerment.” In short, it’s a picture book of pretty lady butts.

• To top it all off, the book was “inspired by a film will.i.am made in Brazil and conceived and shepherded to publication by acclaimed Interscope music executive Jimmy Iovine.”

What. What. WHAT?!

FINALLY, a song that does proper justice to the female form–because nothing quite says female empowerment like a new club cut from Timbaland (of “Ayo Technology” fame), Pitbull (of “Hotel Room Service” fame) and David Guetta (of “Sexy Bitch” fame) in which the boys take turns merrily speak-singing about degrading women above a trashy “Calabria” rip-off beat slapped atop an ‘artsy’ trailer for a book of scantily clad models shot by a Sports Illustrated photographer inspired by Professional Annoyance/Purveyor of Shit-Pop Will.I.Am–all set into motion by Interscope bigwig, Jimmy Iovine.

Choice lyric from Timba’s new cut? Hard to make this one out entirely, but it comes at the 0:38 mark, as Pitbull happily raps:

“She does what I say, she does what I please…she lives on her knees. Ha!”

As Eleanor Roosevelt would likely proclaim: “FUCK YES! EQUALITY!”

So, congratulations boys: You’ve literally created the most offensive ensemble production of the year, worthy of making the good ol’ boys of Jersey Shore look like a set of straitlaced suitors from the British royal family.

At the end of the day, this screenshot says it best…

An ass is just [an] ass–especially a whole recording studio full of ’em.