What Your Bar Mitzvah Playlist Says About You

10 years ago (and a few weeks), I became a Bar Mitzvah—the Great Coming of Age for all 13-year old Jewish boys and girls.

Following the religious boring stuff at the synagogue (during which my voice did not crack once, nor did I drop the Torah–please hold your applause), the party was held at a local country club. It was “Asian themed,” the gift bags came in Chinese take-out containers with custom fortune cookies (handmade by my mommy!), and my friend at the time–a world-famous Irish dancer–performed a jig on the dance floor in full traditional Irish garb before boarding a plane to compete at World’s. I was a cultural trailblazer from a young age.

A few hours ago, I discovered BRAD’S BAR MITZVAH HITS, my LIMITED EDITION compilation from the occasion. From a glance, it’s easy to see why I’ve since become such a renowned tastemaker. I thought I’d share the playlist here–the original MuuCast, if you will–along with some scattered thoughts after ten years of coming out, growing up and finally getting my braces off.

“Get The Party Started,” Indeed

To make a grand entrance into the shindig, I walked into the room–one lady on each arm–to the tune of P!nk’s “Get The Party Started.” Picture it: the line “I’mmmm coming out!” blaring from the speakers as I merrily glided into the room. Nostradamus himself couldn’t have seen what was coming in just a few short years.

Incoming Brooding Teen Angst + Weird Feelings When I Look At Boys During Gym Class + In Denial =

Nickelback. Linkin Park. ‘Nuff said.

EDM from an early age.

Darude! “Sandstorm” was like, the Bar Mitzvah song of the early ’00’s. If you didn’t have that playing at your party while everyone else in your class was twirling around with glow sticks and blow-up plastic instruments, you should probably get the fuck out of the Jewish community and never dare show your face again.

Mambo #5 made me feel awkward.

Another Bar Mitzvah staple, of course, but my sister’s name is Jessica. And at the time, hearing Lou Bega sing “A little bit of Jessica in my life” while he rattled out that list of girls he presumably banged–I don’t know. Very uncomfortable.

The shade of it all.

The fact that the Christina Aguilera, Mya, P!nk and Lil Kim‘s version of “Lady Marmalade” is credited as only being sung by Christina is some serious foreshadowing into Floptina Legend’s Great Bionic Reign of 2010-Forever. I can see her applying several hundred layers of red lipstick and cackling with the CD in hand right at this very moment. Bow down!

Forever B

MY QUEEN, FOREVER AND ALWAYS. I don’t think I’ve ever seriously created a playlist that didn’t include at least one Britney song in my entire life. Aside from “I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman” released in early 2002, “Overprotected” was the most recently released single at that time. Translation? Hardcore B stan, even at an early age. I’m surprised I didn’t include a complimentary CD single with each gift bag to help promote the song. If only I had a Daily B at the time!


This is my proudest addition of the bunch. My lovely Kylie Minogue! If only my mother knew I’d be importing glittery wristbands from the UK and spending hundreds of dollars seeing her her concerts in later years–oh, she’d be so proud!

Can’t Fight “Can’t Fight The Moonlight”

Okay, so no one could have predicted that she’d become an evil, nasty Brandi Glanville-husband stealer in years to come, but Leeann Rimes‘ “Can’t Fight The Moonlight” is seriously a slay-worthy jam. I have very vivid memories of lip-synching for my life to this one in my room nightly after seeing Coyote Ugly. Or wait–was that yesterday night? The days all seem to blur.

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