BOW THE FUCK DOWN.
Note: The following campaign is real. Like, actually.
Though she’s been having her fun dashing dreams, desnudate-ing on stage and deafening lessers with whistle notes for fun while taping the third season of The Voice, Almighty Queen Legendtina has been sneaking backstage and secretly calculating ways to wrap her dirrty fingers ’round the world. And now, she’s got a plan.
This fall, the iconic “Car Wash” chanteuse will be teaming up with Yum! Brands, the parent company of KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, for a major advertising campaign to support their World Hunger Relief initiative which benefits several relief programs, including the United Nations World Food Program.
From the press release:
Aguilera will appear in the new PSA as well as in advertising, online efforts and posters made possible by KFC, Pizza Hut and Taco Bell to be released this fall. She has served as global spokesperson for Yum! Brands’ World Hunger Relief effort since 2009 where her participation has helped raise millions for WFP and other hunger relief agencies. She also serves as an “Ambassador Against Hunger” for WFP where she has traveled on relief trips with the organization to Haiti and Guatemala.
I mean, sure, it’s “technically” about ending hunger or whatever–but can you even grasp the sheer promotion at hand?
This means that when you and your family visit the local Taco Bell this fall, Legendtina Goduilera will be scowling at you mid-yodel note while you take a bite of your Cheesy Gordita Crunch. It means that when you and your roomies get high on a Sunday afternoon, the Burlesque bombshell will be pouting her blood-red lips at you from a flyer resting on top of the twelve Meat Lover’s Pies you ordered. And it means that when you and your mistress wander into a KFC after a late night fling at the office, Our Lady of Woohoo will be smizing around a bucket of Colonel’s Crispy Chicken.
If you’re assuming the campaign will stop at “advertising, online efforts and posters” once Legendtina’s Taco Bell reign begins, don’t. Just imagine: With each purchase of Volcano Nachos, you’re gifted a free copy of Mi Reflejo, complete with several dipping sauces–ranging from Back To Basics Mild to Can’t Hold Us Down Caliente.
Are you even comprehending this kind of reign?!
And although this information can’t be found on press release, MuuMuse insiders tell me Excluusively that the upcoming campaign will also be contributing a portion of their funds to the BMNABC (Baby Max Needs A Binky Campaign), the BBC (Buy Bionic Coalition), and the FMCF (Fuck Mariah Carey Foundation.)
(Oh, and that Floptina Legend parody account is about to get way too real.)
AND THE LEGACY LIVES ON…