Call My Name(s): A Brief History Of Cheryl Tweedy Cole Fernandez-Versini’s Name

“How’d you think I feel when you call my name?” The Artist Formerly Known As Cheryl Cole once asked us.

Well, we’d love to find out — but we’re just not sure which name you’d like to hear, Chezza.

There was a time once, many moons ago, when The Singer In Question was known as the Popstars: The Rivals TV talent show hopeful Cheryl Tweedy. It was a better, simpler time — a time when life wasn’t cold, dreams still glittered and Girls Aloud would soon reign supreme as The World’s Greatest Girl Group Of The 21st Century.

In July 2006, Chezza married Ashley Cole, a footballer. It was in prime Chemistry era (chemistry, indeed!) as the Almighty Aloud ascended to the throne, and Cheryl quickly became the glamorous pop star we know (knew) as Cheryl Cole, all the way up until her 2009 debut solo album, 3 Words.

Suddenly, raindrops began to fall and things became messy, resulting in Chezza’s divorce in 2010. Things immediately got a bit dicey regarding her stage name: Was Cheryl now Cheryl Tweedy again? No. She was Cheryl Cole still, according to her Messy Little Raindrops album cover and the name on her Twitter account — the only valid form of identification.

Years passed, and the divorce slowly but surely slipped from the headlines. It was time for a brand new record — 2012’s A Million Lights — which meant it was time for a brand new Cheryl. But what kind of Cheryl? A Cheryl Cheryl! That’s right: No Cole. No Tweedy. No nothing. Just Cheryl — like Madonna, or Oprah.

And now, two years later, we’re here: It’s 2014, and things are pretty crazy and stupid. (That is — her horn-filled new single, “Crazy Stupid Love.”) And, in what seems to be an effort to explicitly display the definition of “Crazy Stupid Love,” Cheryl’s gone and married her French boyfriend of roughly 3 months, Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini. Crazy? Sure. Stupid? Maybe, maybe not. Love? Evidently!

But here’s the real question: What now? As of her surprise announcement last night, Cheryl’s already changed her Twitter handle to @CherylOfficial and her Instagram to “Miss Cheryl.” (Then again, there’s also an ad for “Crazy Stupid Love” by Cheryl Cole in her header.) And yet, she’s very much not Cheryl Cole at this point.

The only real options here are Cheryl Just Cheryl, Miss Cheryl, The Artist Formerly Known As Cheryl Cole, or Cheryl Tweecolesini. (I myself would love if Miss Cheryl had a moment — although, isn’t she Mrs. Cheryl at this point? ARGH.)

While the silent confusion rages on in my mind, let us wish a happy, healthy and #blessed marriage to Mr. & Mrs. Fernandez-Versini.

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