LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK (Los Angeles, CA) — GRAMMY Award-winning chanteuse, Reflections on Ice: Michelle Kwan Skates to the Music of Disney’s ‘Mulan’ contributor and presumed author of the Lotus Sutra Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Goduilera has just celebrated the impending arrival of The Heir To The Throne, Babytina.
Surrounded by her most cherished fans, including fianSAY Matthew Rutler and soon-to-be big brother Baby Max, the Bionic beauty feted her fertile self in a 7-hour LNN network special airing Sunday at 3 AM EST called PregnanSAY!: A Tribute To Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Aguilera.
We here at the LNN were Excluusively invited to stand directly just outside the intimate ordeal and observe the celebration from afar.
To kick off the event, Legendtina, wearing a crown made of flowers tied together by threads pulled from unsold Bionic promotional tees, made a stunning entrance from above atop a lift, launching directly into her Pitbull anthem, “Feel This Moment.”
As the song ended, a group of gay men quickly encircled the chanteuse, bent down and formed a couch-like shape below her as she sat down across them and launched into a show-stopping 3-1/2 hour medley of hits new and old, including “Your Body,” several Mi Reflejo deep cuts and the entire soundtrack of Burlesque (twice).
Following her performance, the Legend enjoyed spirited games with her fans, including Pin The Tail On The Pigrez, Smell Mine, Smell Yours — a game in which Legendtina tested her guests’ knowledge of her various fragraneces — and a Wheel Of Fortune-esque game called Ain’t No Other Letter, in which attendees were made to guess various phrases.
Here now is an Excluusive glimpse from the game room, which we were able to take from a nearby window:
The crowning achievement (HA!) of the night, however, came as the cake-makers at Sex For Breakfast Bakery presented the singer with a Bits ‘N’ Pieces-flavored cake rendering of her pregnant self giving birth to Babytina (above), who can be seen emerging from Burlesque leading star’s woohoo, said to be inspired by South Korean #165 2012 smash, “Lotus Intro.”
“I’m so pleased that the entire world could see my lotus bloom,” Legendtina told us while indulging in a piece of herself.
There was certainly no shortage of star-studded gifts for the Queen, either: Las Vegas entertainer Britney Spears sent in her most personal handwritten letter to date (typed out and printed on #willpower letterhead by will.i.am), “Thirsty” songstress Mariah Carey sent in an original drawing of herself, and “Do What U Want” collaborator Lady Gaga sent a copy of her latest album, ARTPOP.
“Oh! She’s so thoughtful!” Legendtina remarked upon opening the gift, thrusting it underneath her chair. “A seat cushion!”
Before the night came to an end, the Stripped songstress climbed on top of her red Voice swivel chair, semi-devoured cake in hand, to deliver a stirring speech.
“SILENCE, LESSERS!” she roared, causing the entire room to immediately fall to a trembling silence.
“I just wanted to thank you all for coming tonight. I know it means a lot to you to be here. It’s been an incredible journey for what’s his face and I these past few months. I’ve been growing and expanding — literally. HA! Anyway, that’s it. ALL I WANNA DO IS BIRTH THIS BAAAAYBAY!” Legendtina shouted, lifting the cake high above her head before dumping it on top of Matthew’s head.
The event is now being hailed as the most advanced and forward-thinking baby shower of our time.
LET THEM EAT SAY!