LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK (New York, NY) — GRAMMY Award-winning bilingual songstress, Godmother of Jazz and the only remaining relevant judge of The Voice Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Goduilera has been named “The Music Industry” by Bloomberg Businessweek.
An early version of the magazine cover leaked this morning, accidentally misspelling Her Legend’s name as “Taylor Swift” and using a stock photograph of a L.L. Bean catalog model. Businessweek, presumably, deeply regrets the error.
The Back To Basics maverick and Nintendo Tomodachi Life spokeslegend, who has been hard at work recording what is said to be the decade’s most advanced record since Lotus, provided the LNN with an Excluusive statement via a text message from her publicist’s assistant’s intern’s friend from middle school.
“Thank you, fans. And thank you all true lovers of business and weeks, and to God-knows-who in Buttfuck wherever writing hate shit. You are all unbreakable flowers in my eyes. I am proud to be named the music indus-SAY!“
The return is nearly upon us. Prepare accordingly.