Patti LaBelle, legendary diva, is 70 years old — sorry, 70 years young.
Patti LaBelle is on the latest season of Dancing With The Stars.
And when it is her birthday, Patti LaBelle doesn’t care to hear your age-appropriate “quiet, decent” bullshit excuse for music. She wants to get all the way turnt up and 2 On, henny.
For “My Jam Monday” (Dancing With The Stars is the queerest, isn’t it?), Queen Patti opted to select her favorite bop, 50 Cent‘s classic “In Da Club,” to dance the salsa with her partner Artem Chigvintsev — and their performance is truly a thing of beauty.
Kicking off with a sassy bottle bimbo sashaying her way through into the VIP, the young woman’s shine is immediately stolen as soon as we lay eyes on Miss Patti. She’s covered in posh white feathers and fluffiness, regally waving a fan like the true Legendtina — err, legend that she is.
She rises up, strips down to reveal a sparkly number underneath…and the rest is a fabulous, fierce, boob-clutching extravaganza of hip swivels and sassy armography. The judges are reduced to nonsensical stammering and shrieking. Seriously: How could you not be left gagging by the end? 70 years old! Age truly ain’t nothing but a number.
But really, watching Patti bounce around and grab her ta-tas to the sound of Fiddy on the dance floor has truly made my night. I’m seriously “YAAAS, QUEEN!“-ing the fuck out.
Here’s hoping this one put a smile on your face, too.