What? You didn’t think Madonna would just…premiere a video on Meerkat, did you? Oh no. Hardly.

You see, after a false start yesterday that sent the fanbase into a tizzy, the Queen Of Pop decided to test our devotion with a second, even more #UnapologeticFlop of a premiere for her “Ghosttown” video this afternoon on the burgeoning live-streaming service.

At around 1 PM, the Meerkat loaded to find a man fumbling through an office on his phone, bumping into a desk and then going straight to black, followed by the words “STREAM OVER.” It was her best work since “Like A Prayer” — clearly a performance art meditation on the transience of social media and the danger of investing in start-up companies. And then, the video popped up on some bootleg Chinese video service. And then (probably) on #TIDAL4ALL, the Illuminati’s premiere streaming service. And then on YouTube, like it should have been from the very beginning.

But, anyway! Onto the video.

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As hoped, the post-apocalyptic love song sees our beloved Rebel Heart #LivingForLove in a hopeless place…a bomb shelter, to be exact! Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt teas, to be honest.

She’s pretty sad because everyone she loves is probably dead, so she decides to go out anyway and see if anyone’s bought Rebel Heart.

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And so, she kisses a photo of her late mother (OMG) and throws on a cape to give us Johnny Depp in Sweeney Todd meets American Horror Story: Coven meets Circusney meets Gothic Lolita Tokyo street fashion…

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…while also making this face at one point.

She sets out to explore.

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“GAGA WUZ HERE”

It’s clear that she is also unable to adapt to her environment…

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She has also clearly never used a pay-phone before.

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After twirling through hellfire and creeply playgrounds that used to be hers (REFERENCE) while showing off her grills and gap (#GrillsAndGap), M-Dolla comes under the crosshairs of a very jumpy Terrence Howard of Empire, clearly nervous about the Rebel Heart/Empire Soundtrack showdown on the Billboard 200 weeks ago.

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“Top of the morning to ya, motherfucker.”

But after surveying the emotional woman in the top hat for a bit, he realizes: Bitch, that’s Madonna.

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So what does one do when everyone you know is dead? DANCE!

And together, the two basically do the “Erotica/You Thrill Me” dance from The Confessions Tour.

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“LOL, wut r u guys even doing?”

This adorable Asian baby boy comes wandering out from the shadows and is like “OMFG, I don’t remember buying tickets to the Rebel Heart Tour. Slay.”

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AVERT YOUR EYES, CHILD. MOMMY’S BUSY.

After a brief boogie, the trio come together to form one beautiful, multicultural, post-apocalyptic, all-of-our-loved-ones-are-dead-so-let’s-just-go-with-it family.

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“WELP.”

But really, the “Ghosttown” video is beautiful. Madonna looks like a true, witchy legend. And the overall message is really touching.

That last scene, especially, is a striking image. Long live the Queen.

“Even with no light, we’re gonna shine like gold in this mad, mad world…”

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