LEGENDTINA NEWS NETWORK (Nashville, TN) — GRAMMY® Award-winning chanteuse, Woman-scented beacon of femininity and the forward-thinking Bionic icon singlehandedly responsible for making Sia relevant Christina Aguilera — born Legendtina Maria Nina Desnudate Goduilera — has officially gone country.

To accompany her upcoming Nashville debut on Wednesday in the entirely autobiographical role of Queen Of Pop Jade St. John, the “Ven Comigo (Solamente Tú)” chanteuse has graciously bestowed “The Real Thing” upon iTunes, her formal foray into the country world since dabbling in the waters with Lotus’ “Just A Fool.”

“It’s the kind of song that defines me as a woman, an artist and a true lover of country music,” the legendary diva explained to the LNN backstage at The Voice while adjusting a diamond-encrusted cowboy hat on top of her head. “It also makes me want to throw on some assless chaps and lasso me a greased-up piggy boy until he squeals my name. I THINK Y’ALL ALREADY KNOW MY NAME. Yee-HAAAA!


“I know what you’re used to,” the Stripped songstress proclaims at the start of the rollicking and rowdy country jam. What does Legend X mean by that?

“It’s about, you know, letting my fans know that I see what they’re dealing with on the radio today,” she said while sipping on a Back To Basics Old Fashioned, a signature cocktail from the singer’s forthcoming alcoholic beverage line, Whiskeytina. “It’s all the same cast of characters. Pluto Mars. Smellie GouldsinkThe Weekday. I’m here to shake things up — in a good way of course,” she smiled before barking at a nearby assistant to rub her feet.

“It’s also about me saying to the fans, you know, I’m not some tired has-been from the ’80’s who needs to stick her tongue down someone’s throat to command attention for a day. I’m not thinking of anyone specific when I say that. It’s just what the song’s about.”

If I want you, I’m gon’ get you/Ain’t no question since I met you,” Legend X mightily roars during one of the song’s powerful build-ups — no doubt a subtle allusion to her body-fucking Lotus smash, “Your Body.” Right? “Always a reference,” she said with a wink. “Good ear, fan.”

Critics from Around The Country World are universally impressed, including highly respected independent country blog Legendtina Country News Network (no affiliation), which has breathlessly declared: “Shania Twho? Miranda Lambhuh? Carrie Underwhatnow? There is only one true Queen Of Country, and her name is Jadetina St. Johnguilera.”