Ever since the day Little Mix were crowned as the winners of X Factor UK Season 8 back in December of 2011–the first group in history to win a season of X Factor–I’ve been eagerly anticipating the debut single from the soulful, sassy lil’ quartet. I mean, hello: A girl group? Please. Throw me a few ferocious ladies doing hair flips at me and I’m already running to the bank to drain my entire life’s savings for an imported limited edition signed single.

Today, “Wings” has finally landed. I’ve listened, listened and listened again all day long–and I just don’t like it.

I wanted to love it! I really did! I’m supposed to love it! But I really don’t.

“Wings” plays like a noisy, inconsistent mix (PUN!) between En Vogue‘s “Free Your Mind,” Beyonce‘s “End of Time” and Christina Aguilera‘s “Ain’t No Other Man”–except it’s not nearly as amazing as any part of that equation.

The verses sound like bad En Vogue karaoke. The beat feels incredibly dated (like a regurgitated Back To Basics), and that chorus? Really embarrassing! “‘Cause wings are made to flyyyyyy!” F’real, though? As someone wisely tweeted me, it sounds like a jingle crafted for a Tampax commercial.

I applaud the fact that didn’t opt to go the dance-pop route, and I appreciate the use of actual instruments. There are some solid moments (“Your words don’t mean a thing/I’m not listening” is one of them), and the girls obviously know how to harmonize. But for the most part, it’s just a loud, “okay” production that fails to, well…take me higher. (The fact that I’m incredibly over self-empowerment anthems in pop music probably isn’t helping, either.)

It’s no “Sound of The Underground”, “If This Is Love” nor “Left My Heart In Tokyo”, that’s for damn sure.