Well, the new Madonna video has arrived–and it’s not a disaster, not yet a revelation.
Beginning with an ‘Outta my way, paparazzo!’ dramatic waltz into the backseat of her fancy car (presumably to go fetch Lourdes from jousting lessons), the Queen of Everything has clearly HAD IT up to her fashionable headband with the world.
But after a brief *HEAD DESK* moment against the driver’s headrest, Queen M decides to turn that “Is that a fucking hydrangea?” frown upside down and–you guessed it: Turn up the radio!
Just as quickly, Madge is magically transformed into Dita McSmiley, gleefully pointing in all directions (AWKWARD ALERT) and waving at the legions of fans stalking her entire life. Watch as M rolls through the streets of Florence, picking up attractive men, shady hookers (working title of my upcoming boy band) and 20-something boyfriends in the process.
The video is essentially La Dolce Vita filmed through Instagram, with a touch of the “Drowned World (Substitute For Love)” stalkerazzi concept sprinkled into the mix.
Highlights include ample cleavage, sexy Brahim in glasses, booty slaps, and the general pleasantness of the Tuscan countryside. Drawbacks include weak finger-pointing, contortionists, and not a single man dancing in high heels.
I thought this would be much worse because the concept is so flimsy, but I have to say: It’s kind of a treat to see Madonna letting loose and having some fun (and looking GAWGEOUS to boot!) It’s nothing too riveting, and I don’t suppose it’ll have the staying power of, say, “Vogue,” but it’s…fine, I suppose.
That’ll do, Madonna. That’ll do. Now get on with “Gang Bang.”
MDNA was released on May 26. (iTunes)