They say Ciara‘s got the hood. Ciara got the ‘burbs. They say Ciara’s got the moves. Ciara’s got…served?!
Sadly, yes: The Queen of Crunk-‘N-B was ruthlessly double-crossed by the shady-ass owners of West Hollywood ratcheteria Factory while performing live at LA Pride last night — and it was all (too conveniently) captured on video.
As previously reported by TMZ this weekend, CiCi allegedly bailed on a performance at the club on Friday — despite the fact that Team CiCi told the club that she was too busy to turn(t) up.
As she was winding and grinding to “Promise” on stage last night for the LGBT community (as any true LGBT warrior would), some ratchet heaux and, let’s be honest, clearly a pressed member of the RNIIST (Rihanna Navy Instagram Illuminati Street Team), wormed her way to the front of the crowd and outstretched a handful of legal matters to the stage.
Ciara, mistaking the woman for a loyal C-Squad member looking to get her homemade Basic Instinct liner notes signed, grabbed the papers and, upon giving them a quick glance, quickly threw them back. But it was too late: The chick got her good.
Obviously, this whole situation is pure foolishness: The only thing Ciara could be accused of is getting super turnt up!
We, the members of the One Woman Army, can’t let our girl down: Here are some ways to help.
1.) 1, 2 Step Your Way To Law School
What’s better than getting mad? Getting educated. That’s right! Get in, fit in at a local law school of your choice (what, like it’s hard?), put in some work (feat. Missy Elliott), snatch up that degree and join CiCi’s legal counsel. Not only will you be able to whisper killer advice into the “Sorry” chanteuse’s ears during the daily proceedings, but you’ll be showing up to court every day in an ATL baseball cap, lucite Converse heels and F-L-Y fanny pack learning how to ride and backbend in between sessions. “He reads!” just took on a whole new meaning.
2.) Write Letters To Congress
Our country’s leaders are currently dealing with highly contentious gun control policies, economic crises, natural disasters, international privacy scandals and hot NSA/PRISM/M4M fun. (In other words, they’re not very busy.) While there’s still some downtime in the government’s going-ons, consider writing a sharply worded letter to Congress in support of CiCi, while also condemning the over-the-top response by Factory (and be sure to include an iTunes pre-order link.) If you’re feeling particularly generous, send a freshly baked array of goodies to their offices. Alternatively, you could reach them directly on the Hot Line.
3.) Buy “Body Party” on iTunes
It is a known fact that the American judicial system is partial to Hollywood starlets. Just look at Lindsay Lohan! Get “Body Party” to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100, book her on every late night TV show and music festival across America, and photograph her for the cover of every gossip rag. Soon enough, Ciara’s name will be in everyone’s mouth, and by the time the court date finally drops (which, let’s hope, is after Ciara drops on July 5), the judge will be too busy getting super turnt up and RSVPing to the body party to charge CiCi for this club’s ruthless attempt at cheap promo.
4.) Take It 2 The Streets
Public protests are loud, important and influential — and also super fun! Print out flyers, make signs, create T-shirts and buy billboard space with clever slogans in support of CiCi. Here’s some examples:
• FREE CIARA
• NO GOODIES, NO PEACE
• KISS MY LEGAL SWAG
• G IS FOR GIRL (AND ALSO GUILTY, WHICH CIARA IS NOT)
• 1, 2 STEP OFF FACTORY
• LOVE, SEX & UNNECESSARY LEGAL ACTION
• WE SHALL OVERDOSE
Do whatever you can to show your support, C-Squad!
Ciara will be released on July 5. (iTunes)