Let’s face it: Britney news just ain’t easy to come by these days. It should be easy (REFERENCE), but it’s not. So, while we wait for our Vegas showgirl to hit the Planet Hollywood stage again in two weeks, it’s time to take to the scriptures for our daily inspiration.
In today’s edition of Spearitual Living, we open up the Book of Godney to the International Psalms of In The Zone for one of the many incredibly underrated tracks in Britney’s back catalog: “Don’t Hang Up,” a hypnotic, Janet Jackson-like ode to telecommunication fornication — otherwise known as phonography.
Ever the self-referential living legend, the song kicks off with one of the most constant themes in B-Girl’s career: “Baby, I’m lying here alone,” she purrs — a clear and obvious REFERENCE to the oh-so-lonely baybeh we first met during “…Baby One More Time.”
From there, we’re taken on a very cool and urban adventure into tripping, spacey electro-pop euphoria and just the slightest touch of Eastern influence that colored In The Zone, courtesy of producers Brian and Josh. They also helped craft In The Zone self-empowerment anthem “Brave New Girl” and much of 2001’s Britney — and, equally importantly, Willa Ford‘s “I Wanna Be Bad.”
Britney already pledged that she will be there long ago, and even though she’s miles away rehearsing for the Onyx Hotel Tour, she’s still going to be there with you — even if it’s via telephone: “Don’t hang up, it’s just getting serious/Damn, you’re makin’ me delirious,” she delicately purrs into our ears. The song came out in ’03, pre-FaceTime. (11 years ago — gulp!) What phone do we think B was rock rockin’ with? Pink Motorola RAZR probably, right? With a flower phone charm to boot?
And then, a time travel to the future: “I’m not alone, I can still feel you…” she soothingly coos. Ten years ago, our favorite “Alien” already knew she was not alone, not alone, not alone. Nostradamusney strikes again!
This wouldn’t be the last time a Spears smash centered around phone sex, either: Between “Don’t Hang Up” and the much more raunchy, Bluetooth-friendly Circus bonus thumper “Phonography,” there’s really nothing that Brit Brit doesn’t like more than a bit of talkin’ that dirty talk across the telephone. (Except maybe eating crawfish. And watching Sex & The City — or does she do it all at the same time? Godney works in mysterious ways.)
The song’s production is oh-so-dreamy and soothing, and Britney’s vocals ooze sex appeal: If that warm, heaven-sent chorus wasn’t enough to inspire the touch of your hand (REFERENCE), then those sensually whispered ad-libs toward the very end (“Do you feel it too? Close your eyes…“) will have surely, uh, sealed the deal.
And as a fun ‘lil #SomethingMorePersonal fact, “Don’t Hang Up” was my alarm sound during all four years of college. Why? Because you can’t be mad when you wake up to the sound of Britney, bitch.