Hold on tight to your puakenikenis, because The Scherzymobile just swerved yet again.

Following the announcement of her (terribly titled) new album Big Fat Lie, Pussycat Doll-turned-solo chanteuse Nicole Scherzinger has announced that she’s returning to America – like a boomerang, if you will.

Not only that, but she’s kicking off her campaign today with her Felix Snow-produced ballad “Run,” a decision for which I am now claiming full responsibility after my impassioned cry for the song’s amazingness to be recognized.

That’s right: It’s actually happening. Scherzy’s “Run” is being made a single. In America…and it’s already out on iTunes.

WHAT?

Now, I already know what you’re going to ask, and no: This doesn’t mean “Pretty” is on iTunes. It’s still not on iTunes. (#BuyPrettyOniTunes). But what it does mean is that Epic Records has decided to kick off Scherzy’s campaign with her most daring single to date. (“Club Banger Nation,” this is not.)

Amazing quotes from the “Run” press release include, but are not limited to:

– “You’ve never heard Nicole Scherzinger like this…”
– “Building off a legacy that includes The Pussycat Dolls and staggering personal success in the UK as an artist and judge on the X Factor UK…”
– “‘I’ve always spoken about my life in music, but I’m at an age where I can be even more open,’ she declares.” (That is true. She has only ever recorded Very Personal Music.)
– “Culling inspiration from Janet Jackson, Jimmy Jam, and Terry Lewis, this latest collection officially introduces the world to Nicole for the first time.

THE FIRST TIME? Oh, honey, I don’t think so. #JusticeForHerNameIsNicole

The thing about “Run” is that it is (still) genuinely amazing, as is this hilariously sloppy Big Fat Lie worldwide album campaign. So, support it!

Or just think of it in this way: You can either give your dollars to a talented, terrifying diva who helmed a troupe of tightly choreographed sexbots…or you can fund Meghan Trainor‘s ukelele lessons. THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

“Run” was released on September 30. (iTunes)